Adult Jokes

Adult jokes

The most mischievous and funny Adult jokes that you will even come across are the Adult jokes. They are sometimes dirty and so funny that you would prefer to die from laughing. The Adult jokes are mischievous and naughty at the same time. In case you are not 18 yet it is better that you do not read further and return to the page you came from. Don’t forget they have pictures jokes for adults.

You may also like Bad Jokes, Offensive Jokes, Dirty Jokes or Sex Jokes

#9 Won million

Man returns home and screams out loudly:
- Honey, pack your things, I've won million today!
Wife comes to the wardrobe and asks:
- What kind of clothes to take with me? Summer or winter?
Man:
- All of them and get out of here!

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#25 A woman goes out shopping

A woman goes out shopping with her husband and spots a pair of boots she loves.
The husband says,
'No chance loves, they're way too expensive.'
Later on in bed, the wife is just falling asleep when the husband tries his luck and place his hand on her hip and lower on to her thigh.
She turns to him and says,
'I don't think so mate. If you're not prepared to shoe the horse then you sure as hell ain't riding it'.

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#27 Your butt is getting really big

A husband exclaims to his wife one day,
'Your butt is getting really big. It's bigger than the BBQ grill!'
Later that night in bed, the husband makes some advances towards his wife who completely brushes hin off.
'What's wrong'? he asks.
She answers,
'Do you really think I'm going to fire up this big-ass grill for one little weenie?'

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#29 Sex education

“My teenage daughter came home in a rage.
‘I’ve just done sex education in school today,
Dad! You lied to me!
You told me if I have sex before my sixteenth birthday, my boyfriend will die!
’ I put down my paper: ’
‘Oh, he will, sweetheart, he will.’

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#31 Blind date

During a blind date, as a man and a woman were filling each other in on their pasts, the man said, "A genie once gave me the option of having a longer penis or better memory".
"And which did you choose?"
The woman asked. A man replied
"I don't remember".

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#35 Three guys go to a ski lodge

Three guys go to a ski lodge, and there aren't enough rooms, so they have to share a bed.
In the middle of the night, the guy on the right wakes up and says,
"I had this wild, vivid dream of getting a hand job!"
The guy on the left wakes up, and unbelievably, he's had the same dream, too.
Then the guy in the middle wakes up and says,
"That's funny, I dreamed I was skiing!"

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#36 A husband comes home

A husband comes home to find his wife with her suitcases packed in the living room.
"Where the hell do you think you're going?"
He says. "I'm going to Las Vegas. You can earn $400 for a blow job there, and I figured that I might as well earn money for what I do to you free."
The husband thinks for a moment, goes upstairs, and comes back down, with his suitcase packed as well.
"Where do you think you...
I want to see how you survive on $800 a year!!!"

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#37 Dark forest

A man and a woman started to have sex in the middle of a dark forest.
After about 15 minutes of it, the man finally gets up and says,
"Damn, I wish I had a flashlight!".
The woman says, "
Me too, you've been eating grass for the past ten minutes!"

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#42 Officer asks

An officer asks a lady, who came with a request for a financial support:
-What are the names of your six kids?
- Volfgang, Volfgang, Volfgang, Volfgang, Volfgang and Volfgang.
- But how do you call them for dinner?
- Simply, I call only once
- Volfgang! - But what if you want to call only one of them?
- I call them by their last names.

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