Daily Funny jokes, Tha Jokes

Bad Jokes

The best bad jokesNothing can be compared to a good joke that will brighten up your day except the bad jokes. There are some bad jokes that are so bad that they will actually make you laugh. They can be sometimes dumb, silly, and worst of all bad.

 

    • If at first you don’t succeed, skydiving is not for you!
    • Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won’t expect it back
    • A bus is a vehicule that runs twice as fast when you are after it was when you are in it.
    • Hallmark card: ‘ I’m so miserable without you, It’s almost like you’re still here.’
    • A little boy asked his father, ‘daddy how much does it cost to get married?’ father replied, I don’t know son, I’m still paying’.
    • If you are supposed to learn from your mistakes, why do some people have more than one child.
    • He was mad in the crisis as found someone to blame.
    • We have enough gun control. What we need is idiot control.
    • Some people hear voices.. Some see invisible people.. others have no imagination whatsoever.
    • What do you call a bee that produces milk?
      Boobee
    • Why did the bank get bored?
      Because it lost interest.
    • Why do gorillas have big nostrils?
      Because they have big fingers.
    • What’s the difference between roast beef and pea soup?
      Anyone can roast beef.
    • What do you call four bull fighters in quicksand?
      Quatro sinko.
    • Why do bees hum?
      Because they don’t know the words!
    • Where did they first make French Fries?
      In grease.
    • Why do sea-gulls fly over the sea?
      Because if they flew over the bay they would be bagels!
    • Why couldn’t the bicycle stand up by itself?
      It is two tired.
    • Have you heard the joke about the bed?
      It hasn’t been made up yet.
    • What did one cannibal say to the other while they were eating a clown?
      Does this taste funny to you?
    • How can you tell if a groom is Polish?
      He would be the one with the clean bowling shirt.
    • Why can’t your nose be 12 inches long?
      Because then it’d be a foot!
    • To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.
    • Just remember… If the world didn’t suck, we’d all fall Off.
    • I should’ve know it wasn’t going to work out between my ex-wife and me after all, I’m a Libra and she’s a bitch.
    • Jesus love you, but everyone else thinks you’re an asshole.
    • My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want to second opinion. He said okay, you’re ugly too.
    • Hospitality: Making your guests feel like they’re at home, even if you wish the were.
    • Who built King Arthur’s round table?
      Sir Cumference
    • Why wouldn’t the lobster share his toys?
      Because he was shellfish
    • What happened when the cow jumped over a barbed wire fence?
      Utter destruction!
    • How are a chicken and a grape alike?
      They are both purple… except for the chicken.
    • What’s the difference between a tennis ball and the prince of Wale’s?
      One is heir to the throne and the other is thrown into the air.
    • What do you call cheese that isn’t yours?
      Nacho Cheese.
    • What do you get from a pampered cow?
      Spoiled milk.
    • What has four legs, is big, green, fuzzy, and if it fell out of a tree would kill you?
      A pool table.
    • Why do bagpipers walk when they play?
      They’re trying to get away from the noise.
    • Did you hear about the Olympic Gold Medal winner from Canada?
      He loved his medal so much he had it bronzed.
    • How do you catch a unique animal?
      Unique up on him
    • What did the girl melon say to the boy melon when he proposed to her?
      We’re too young… we cantaloupe!
    • What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches?
      A nervous wreck.
    • What is a zebra?
      26 sizes larger than an « A » bra.
    • Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
    • A diplomat is someone who can take you go to hell in a way that you will look forward to the trip.
    • Never get into fights with ugly people ,they have nothing to lose.
    • Why wouldn’t the lobster share his toys?
      Because he was shellfish
    • Why can’t Irishmen ever be attorneys?
      They can never make it past the bar!
    • What happened when the cow jumped over a barbed wire fence?
      Utter destruction!
    • What happened to the butcher when he backed up into the meat grinder?
      He got a little behind in his orders.
    • What kind of shorts do clouds wear?
      Thunderware!
    • There was a big moron and a little moron sitting on a fence.
      The big moron fell off. Why?
      The little moron was a little more on.
    • What do you call a midget fortune teller who just escaped from prison?
      A small medium at large!

 

Funny Bad Jokes

 

    • Why did the ram go off the end of the cliff?
      Because he didn’t see the ewe turn.
    • Why shouldn’t you tell a secret to a pig?
      Because he’s a squealer!
    • Where do you find a legless turtle?
      Right where you left him!
    • What do you call a fly without wings or legs?
      A roll.
    • What goes tick tick woof woof? A watchdog.
    • 2 Pacs of Eminems for 50 Cents? Man that’s Ludacris
    • Why did the football coach go to the bank?
      To get a quarterback
    • Why can’t elderly people be doctors?
      Because older people easily lose their patience.
    • How does a hipster burn his tongue? He drank hot coffee before it was cool.
    • The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.
    • Woman made it harder, but they hit lower.
    • Worrying works! 90% of the things I worry about never happened.
    • You’re never too old to learn something stupid.
    • I got in a fight one-time WIth a very guy, and he saaid, ‘i’m going to mop the floor with your face’. And I said, ‘you’ll be sorry’.He said ‘Oh yeah! Why?’ I said. ‘Well’ you won’t be able to get into the corners very well.’
    • Does this rag smell Like chloroform to you?
    • A TV can insult your intelligence. but nothing rubs it in like a computer.
    • Virginity is like a soapbubble, one creeks and it’s gone.
    • Whats the difference between a knife and a girls argument?
      A knife has a point.
    • What do you call a group of chess fanatics bragging about their games in a hotel lobby?
      Chess nuts boasting in an open foyer
    • My friend Gav died from heartburn this morning. I can’t believe Gaviscon.
    • I am giving away my chimney for free. I guess you could say its.. « ON THE HOUSE. »
    • Why does a milking stool have only 3 legs?
      Because the cow has the utter.
    • What do you call a cow with no legs?
      Ground beef
    • Did you hear about the Italian Chef that died?
      He pasta way.
    • What has four legs and one arm?
      A happy pit bull.
    • How does an idiot call for his dog?
      He puts two fingers in his mouth and then shouts Rover.
    • When you leave school, you should become a bone specialist.
      You’ve certainly got the head for it.
    • A horse enters a bar and walks over to the bartender, the bartender looks at the horse and says, hey buddy, why the long face?
    • How do crazy people go through the forest?
      They take the psycho path.
    • What do prisoners use to call each other?
      Cell phones.
    • What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
      Frostbite.
    • Why are there so many Johnsons in the phone book?
      They all have phones.
    • What’s brown and sticky?
      A stick!
    • Why is 6 scared of 7?
      Because 7 ate 9 and 10…
    • Have you heard the joke about the bed?
      It hasn’t been made up yet.
    • What has five legs, three eyes and two tails?
      A dog with spare parts.
    • What did one dandelion say to the other dandelion?
      Take me to your weeder!
    • Why can’t Irishmen ever be attorneys?
      They can never make it past the bar!
    • What has four legs and one arm?
      A happy pit bull.
    • Did you hear about the Italian Chef that died?
      He pasta way.
    • Did you hear about the circus fire?
      It was intense.
    • What did the grape do when he got stepped on?
      He let out a little wine.
    • Why do sea-gulls fly over the sea?
      Because if they flew over the bay they would be bagels!
    • Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants?
      In case he gets a hole in one!
    • What do you call a boomerang that doesn’t come back?
      A stick!
    • What did one aspiring wig say to the other aspiring wig?
      I wanna get a head!
    • Hear about the two peanuts that walked through central park?
      One was a-salted.
    • Why did the dolphin kill himself?
      He had no porpoise in his life!
    • I just got fired by my job at the Pepsi company. I tested positive for Coke.
    • If you’re American in the living room, what are you in the bathroom?
      A.European.
    • Fat person: « I’m not fat! I’m big boned. »
      Me: « Big bones don’t jiggle when you move! »
    • Don’t pick on fat people, they have enough on their plates.
    • What did one ocean say to the other ocean?
      Nothing, they just waved.
    • What has five legs, three eyes and two tails?
      A dog with spare parts.
    • Why can’t Irishmen ever be attorneys?
      They can never make it past the bar!
    • Where does a general keep his army?
      In his sleevy.
    • A horse walks into a bar. The bar tender says « Hey. »
      The horse says « Sure. »
    • How do you get holy water?
      Boil the hell out of it.
    • What do Eskimos get from sitting on the ice too long?
      Polaroids.
    • What is green and has wheels?
      Grass, I lied about the wheels.
    • Why couldn’t the bicycle stand up by itself?
      It is two tired.
    • Why do Eskimos wash their clothes in Tide?
      Because it’s too cold out Tide.
    • *What’s a Wok?
      Something you throw at a Wabbit.
    • Why did the dinosaur cross the road?
      Because the chicken joke wasn’t invented yet.
    • What do you call a cow who has had a abortion?
      Decalfinated!
    • When do you have the right to scold your coffee?
      When you have more than sufficient grounds.
    • What do you call a fly without wings?
      A walk.
    • Why didn’t Cuba have a team in the Olympics?
      Because, any Cuban that can run, jump, or swim already lives in America.
    • One of my friends is a really hardcore raver. She keeps trying to make me rave with her, and she won’t techno for an answer.

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