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Blonde jokes

funny blonde jokesBlondes have always been famous for their stupidity and that is why they are always targeted. There are many famous blonde jokes that despite being bad will make your laugh. It is not even hard to understand the blonde jokes but believe me if there is a true blonde near you, she or he might not even get what you are saying.

 

    • Two blondes fell down a hole.
      One said, « It’s dark in here isn’t it? »
      The other replied, « I don’t know; I can’t see. »
    • A couple of blondes got lost at the mall. So they go to the map, where they see a red arrow says: YOU HARE HERE one blonde looks at the other and exclains: ‘WOW! how do they know that?’
    • A blonde was watching the news. THe reporter said that 9 Brazilian men had died. The blonde said, ‘HOW MANY IS A BRAZILIAN?’
    • Two blondes living in Oklahoma were sitting on a bench talking… And one blonde says to the other,
      « Witch do you think is farther away…..Florida or the moon? »
      The other blonde turns and says « Helloooooo, can you see Florida…???
    • 16 blondes are standing outside the bar. Why didn’T they go in? The sign said 18+
    • A blonde was speeding on the higjway when a police car pulled her over.
      The policeman walks up to the blonde and says « Excuse m’am, could I please see your drinving license and registration. » The blonde looks at the policeman angrily and says « I wish you guys would get your act together. Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you! »
    • What is eternity?
      When 4 blondes meet at a 4-way-stop-sign-intersection!
    • How do you keep a blonde in suspense?
      (I’ll tell you tomorrow.)
    • How did the blonde get hurt while ice fishing?
      She was run over by the zamboni.
    • A blonde and a brunette were walking through a park, when the brunette said, « Aw, look at the poor dead bird ».
      The blonde looked up and asked, « Where? »
    • A science teacher tells his class, “Oxygen is a must for breathing and life. It was discovered in 1773.”
      A blonde student responds, “Thank God I was born after 1773! Otherwise I would have died without it.”
    • A blonde woman was speeding down the road in her little red sports car and was pulled over by a woman police officer, who was also a blonde.
      The blonde cop asked to see the blonde driver’s license. She dug through her purse and was getting progressively more agitated.
      « What does it looks like? » She finally asked. The policeman replied, « It’s square and it has your picture on it. »
      The driver finally found a square mirror in her purse, looked at it and handed it to the policewoman. « Her it is, » she said.
      The blonde officer looked at the mirror, then handed it back saying, « OK you can go. I didn’t realize you were a cop… »
    • A blonde kept walking back and forth to her mail box, and her neighbor finally asked her why. My computer keeps telling me  » You’ve got mail! »
    • A blonde walk into the library, she walks up to the counter, SMASH a book down and scream at the librarian. ‘ THis is the WORST book i’ve ever read’ ‘It has NO plot and far too many characters!’
      The librarian looks up calmy and remarks- ‘So you the one who took our phone book…’
    • Why was the blonde staring at the orange juice container?
      Because it said, « concentrate. »
    • What goes vroom, screech, vroom, screech?
      A blonde at a flashing red light.
    • A blind man walks into a bar and asks the bartender, « Hey, would you like to hear a great blonde joke? »
      A voice next to him says, « Go ahead, but before you tell that joke, I think I should tell you that the bartender is a blonde, the bouncer is a blonde, and I’m a blonde with a black belt in karate. There’s another blonde next to you who is a body builder. Are you sure you still want to tell it now? » The blind man answers, « No, never mind. I don’t want to have to explain the joke four times. »
    • Three blondes were going for a walk when they saw some tracks. They began to argue.
      « Those are deer tracks, » said the first blonde.
      The second blonde said, « Those are elk tracks. »
      « You’re both wrong, those are moose tracks, » said the third.
      They were still arguing when the train hit them.
    • During a recent password audit, it was found that a blonde was using this following password:
      « MicketMinniePlutoHueyLouieDeweyDonaldGoofySacramento »
      When asked why she has such a long password
    • A blonde went to buy a Pizza and after ordering, the assistant asked the blonde if she would like her pizza cut into six pieces or twelve. « Six please » she saids, « I could never eat twelve! »
    • Why shouldn’t blondes be given a coffee break? It takes too long to retrain them.
    • Did You Hear About The Blonde That Put Lipstick On Her Forehead?
      She wanted to make up her mind.
    • How do you amuse a blonde for hours?
      Write ‘Please turn over’ on both sides of a piece of paper.
    • How you drown a sunmarines full of blondes? Knock on the door.
    • A blonde crashed a helicopter.
      A police officer asked her what happened. She says, ‘I got cold so i turned off the fan.’
    • A blonde is driving down the street when she sees another blondw rowing a boat in the middle of the cornfield. The first blonde pulls over and shout the lady: ‘IT’S PEOPLE LIKE YOU THAT GIVE BLONDES A BAD NAME!’ IF I COULD SWIM I COME OVER AND PUNCH YOU!
    • A blonde was bragging about her knowledge of state capitals. She Proudly says. ‘Go ahead, ask me i know all of them.’ A friend says. ‘Ok, what’s the capital of Wisconsin? The blonde replies. ‘Oh that’s easy: W!
    • A guy took his blonde girlfriend to her fisrt football game. THey had great seats right behind their team’s bench. After the game, he asked her how she liked it.
      « OH, I really liked it, » she replied. ‘espacially the tight pants and all the big muscles, but I just couldN’t understand why they were killing each other 25 cents.’
      Dumbfounded, her boyfriend asked. « What do you mean? »
      « Well, they flipped a coin, one team got it and then for the rest of the game, all they kept creaming was…
      « Get the Quqrterbqck! Get the quarterback! »
      I’m like…Helloooooo?
      It’s only 25 cents!!
    • Did you hear why they closed the Big House?
      Two blondes drowned while the crowd was doing the wave..
    • What’s the difference between a blonde and a walrus?
      One has whiskers and fishy flaps, and the other is a walrus!
    • Did you hear about the new blonde paint?
      It’s not real bright, but it’s cheap, and spreads easy.
    • Why did the blonde tip toe near the medicine cabinet?
      Because she didn’t want to wake the sleeping pills!!
    • What did the blonde fill in for Salary Expected out the job application?
      Yes.
    • Why was the blonde’s brain the size of a pea after exercising?
      It swelled up.
    • Two blondes are walking down the road when one says « Look at that dog with one eye! »
      The other blonde covers one of her eyes and says « Where? »
    • Did you hear about the blonde lesbian?
      She kept on having affairs with men!
    • A blonde decided to paint a room. When her husband got home, he asked, « Why are you wearing an Alaskan and a winter coat? »
      She replied, « The can said for best results apply 2 coats. »
    • A blonde takes her typewriter to the doctor. « Doc, I’m afraid my typewriter is pregnant. »
      The doctor asks, « Why in the world would you think that? »
      She says, « Because it’s started missing its period. »
    • What does it mean when a blonde has a runny nose?
      She’s full.
    • Why did the blonde get so excited when she finished her jigsaw puzzle in only 6 months?
      Because on the box it said « From 2-4 years. »
    • There was a blonde, a redhead, and a brunette. They were all trapped on an island and the nearest shore was 50 miles away. The redhead swam trying to make it to the other shore she swam 15 miles, drowned, and died. The brunette swam 24 miles, drowned, and died. The blonde swam 25 miles, got tired, and swam back.
    • A blonde orders a pizza and the clerk asks if he should cut it in six or 12 pieces.
      She responds, « Six, please. I could never eat 12 pieces. »
    • Why did the blonde quit her restroom attendant job?
      She couldn’t figure out how to refill the hand dryer.
    • A blonde’s car breaks down. A cop pulls up and inquires about the group of naked men standing next to her car.
      The blonde says, « They’re my emergency flashers. »
    • Why did the blonde quit her restroom attendant job?
      She couldn’t figure out how to refill the hand dryer.
    • There was a blonde, a redhead, and a brunette. They were all trapped on an island and the nearest shore was 50 miles away. The redhead swam trying to make it to the other shore she swam 15 miles, drowned, and died. The brunette swam 24 miles, drowned, and died. The blonde swam 25 miles, got tired, and swam back.
    • Confucius say, « Blonde who fly upside down have crack up! »
    • Why was the blonde’s brain the size of a pea after exercising?
      It swelled up.
    • Why did the blonde nurse tip-toe past the medical cabinet?
      So she wouldnt wake-up the sleeping pills.
    • What is long and hard to a blonde?
      Fourth grade.
    • Why does the blonde throw breadcrumbs in the toilet every morning?
      To feed the toilet duck.
    • Two blondes are walking down the road when one says « Look at that dog with one eye! »
      The other blonde covers one of her eyes and says « Where? »
    • How do you stop a blonde tank?
      Shoot the people pushing it!

 

More funny blonde jokes!

 

    • Why did the blonde tattoo her apartment number on her stomach?
      So her male would get delivered to the right box.
    • What do you call a blonde in an institute of higher learning?
      A visitor.
    • What do a blonde and a turtle have in common?
      They’re both screwed on their back.
    • How do you get a blonde to marry you?
      Tell her she’s pregnant.
    • What can strike a blonde without her even knowing it?
      A thought.
    • What is a blonde’s favorite color?
      Glitter.
    • What does a blonde say if you blow in her ear?
      « Thanks for the refill! »
    • Why does a man prefer blondes?
      Men always like intellectual company.
    • Why did the blonde become a big basketball fan?
      Because every time they stopped the clock, she thought she stopped aging.
    • Why do blonde nurses bring red magic markers to work?
      In case they have to draw blood.
    • Why didnt the blonde want a window seat on the plane?
      Because she just had her hair done!
    • Why did God create blondes?
      Because pets can’t bring beer from the fridge.
    • What did the blonde ask the doctor after he told her she was pregnant?
      Is it mine?
    • What’s the difference between a blonde and a brick wall?
      brick wall’s only been laid once.
    • Why was the blonde confused after giving birth to twins?
      She couldn’t figure out who the other mother was.
    • What does a blonde do if she’s not in bed by 10 p.m.?
      She goes home.
    • What does a blonde do when her computer freezes?
      She sticks it in the microwave.
    • Why did the blonde tattoo her zip-code on her thigh?
      She wanted a lot of male in her box.
    • Why couldn’t the blonde add 10 and seven on a calculator?
      She couldn’t find the 10 key.
    • How do you tell if a bank robber is blonde?
      She ties up the safe and blows the guard.
    • Why are blonde jokes so short
      So brunettes can remember them
    • What did the blonde say when she saw the Cheerios box?
      « Omg, doughnut seeds! »
    • What’s it called when a blonde blows in another blonde’s ear?
      Data transfer
    • What are the blonde’s first words after 4 years of college?
      « Would you like fries with that? »
    • What do you call a skeleton in the closet with blonde hair?
      Last year’s hide-and-go-seek winner
    • What do you call a basement full of blondes?
      A whine cellar.
    • What do you call a blonde at a golf course?
      The 19th hole.
    • How do you get a blonde on the roof?
      Tell her drinks are on the house.
    • Did you hear about the blonde who shot an arrow into the air?
      She missed.
    • Why don’t blondes get coffee breaks?
      It takes too long to retrain them.
    • What is the difference between blondes and traffic signs?
      Some traffic signs say stop
    • What do you call a blonde with two brain cells?
      Pregnant.
    • What is a blondes mating call?
      God I’m drunk!

This ride of blonde jokes will get interesting the more you will read. The jokes are so funny that you will find it hard to stop. Keep in mind that you are reading funny blonde jokes with your own true wish. As we will not take the responsibility if you die out of laughter. Here are some of the most famous one-liners and blonde jokes that you can crack in front of friends.

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