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Christmas jokes

Funny Christmas jokesAs the Christmas, you must get ready to hear some of the Christmas jokes. We all know the Christmas jokes are the best when it involves the Santa and his reindeer you cannot stop laughing. When you are in the certain mood of enjoying the snow then cracking some Christmas jokes will enlighten your experience of having some fun.

 

 

    • Christmas = Gifts
      Halloween = Candy
      Thanksgiving = Food
      New Years = Drinks
      Valentines = Sex
      Birthday = All Of The Above
    • Where does a snowman keep his meney?
      In a snow bank.
    • What did the snowman say to the customer?
      Have an ice day!
    • Why don’t montains get cold in the winter?
      They wear snowcaps.
    • What can bite & nip at your toes but has no teeth?
      Frost!
    • What did the boy with no hands get for christmas?
      Gloves!
      Just kidding, i don’t know what he got, he hasn’t opened it yet.What goes vroom, screech, vroom, screech?
    • A policeman on his horse says to little girl on her bike, ”Did get Santa get you that?” ”Yes,” she replies.
      ”Well tell Santa to put a reflector light on it next year,” and fines her $5. the little girl looks up at the policeman and says, ”Nice horse you’ve got there. Did Santa bring you that too?”
      The Policeman chuckles and replies, ”He sure did!” ”Well,” says the little girl, ”Next year, tell Santa the fuckin dick goes under the horse, not on top of it!
    • What do you get when santa goes down a chimney with a lit fire?
      ”Crisp” Cringle!
    • What do snowmen eat for lunch?
      Icebergers!
    • How does Rudolph know when Christmas is coming?
      He looks at his calen-DEER!
    • What is the first thing elves learn on school?
      The ”elf”-a-bet!
    • What falls but but never hurts itself?
      Snow!
    • Everyone is postong pictures of their christmas trees and i’m over here like, i probably should do something about thos rotting pumpkins on the front porch.
    • What did the big furry hat say to the warm wool scarf?
      ”You hang around while i go on ahead.”
    • Which of Santa’s reindeer has bad manners?
      Rude-olph!
    • Bert, aged 25. ‘My wife’s an angel’.
      Don, aged 57. ‘Your lucky, mine is still alive’.
    • Bert, aged 25. ‘My wife’s an angel’.
      Don, aged 57. ‘Your lucky, mine is still alive’.Christmas Mistletoe
    • Romeo: What would it take to make you kiss me under the mistletoe?
      Juliette: An anaesthetic.
    • Silver Christmas charms bring you good fortune.
      Packaging Notice: Potential choking hazard: do not use with food.
    • What did the reindeer say before launching into his comedy routine?
      This will sleigh you.
    • Good King Wenceslas phoned Domino’s for a pizza.
      The salesgirl asked him:-
      ‘Do you want your usual? Deep pan, crisp and even?’
    • There’s a Fly in My Champagne’
      The Swede asked for new champagne in the same glass.
      The Englishman demanded to have new champagne in a new glass.
      The Finn picked out the fly out and drank the champagne.
      The Russian drank the champagne, fly and all.
      The Chinese ate the fly but left the champagne.
      The Israeli caught the fly and sold it to the Chinese.
      The Italian drank two thirds of the champagne and then demanded to have a new glass.
      The Norwegian took the fly and went off to fish.
      The Irishman ground the fly and mixed it in the champagne, which he then donated to the Englishman
      The American sued the restaurant and claimed for a $50 million compensation.
      The Scotsman grabbed the fly by the throat and shouted, ‘Now spit out all that you swallowed.’
    • What do you get if Santa comes down your chimney when the fire is ablaze?
      Crisp Kringle.
      Why does rain drop, but snow fall?
    • Semi-Annual after-Christmas Sale.
      Handmade gifts for that hard-to-find person.
    • Anyone who believes that men are the equal of women has never seen a man trying to wrap a Christmas present!
    • What do you call people who are frightened of Santa?
      Claustraphopic.
    • What is the difference between the Christmas alphabet and the ordinary alphabet?
      The Christmas alphabet has No L.
    • What do you get if you team Santa with a detective?
      Santa Clues!
    • What do you get when you cross a vampire and a snowman?
      Frostbite.
    • What do you get if Santa comes down your chimney when the fire is ablaze?
      Crisp Kringle.
    • How Was Your Christmas Meal?
      We had grandma for Christmas dinner.
      Really?
      We had turkey.
    • A woman walks into a bar and asks for a double entendre ……
      So the barman gives her one.
    • What is the first thing elves learn on school?
      The ”elf”-a-bet!
    • Why does santa have 3 gardens?
      So he can ”hoe hoe hoe!”
    • How do we know santa’s a man?
      He shows up late, eats your cookie, empties his sack, comes only once, callsyou a ho and leaves while you’re asleep.
    • What type of computer sings?
      A dell
    • If you jingle my bells, i’ll give you a white christmas.
    • What did the ocean say to the bergy bits?
      Nothing. It just waved.
    • How do you call an Eskimo cow?
      An eskimoo!
    • What did the say to the customer?
      With igloo!
    • What do reindeer say before telling you a joke?
      This one will sleigh you!What do a blonde and a turtle have in common?
    • Why di the boy keep his trumpet in the freezer?
      Because he liked cool music.
    • What do you call a penguin in the Sahara desert?
      Lost!
    • Why did frosty have a carrots in his nose?
      Because he forgot where the refrigerator was.
    • What do you call a gangsta snowman?
      Froze-T
    • What does a snowman take when he gets sick?
      A chill pill!
    • What kind of mug does a snowman use for lunch?
      A frosted One!
    • What do you call a snowman who tells tall tales?
      A snowf-fake
    • What kind of cake does Frosty like?
      The kind with lots of frosting!
    • What do you call a snowman in the summer?
      A puddle!
    • What’s it called when a snowman has a temper tartrum?
    • What do Snowmen call their offspring?
    • Knock knock
      Who’s there?
      Mary!
      Mary who?
      Merry Christmas
    • What do snowmen eat for breakfast?
      Frosted Flakes
    • Xmas Time- When people want their pasts forgotten and their presents remembered!
    • How does a Jew celebrate Christmas?
      He installs a parking meter on the roof.
    • What do you call an elf who sings?
      A wrapper!
    • Why is Christmas just like a day at the office?
      You do all the work and the fat guy with the suit gets all the credit.
    • What do you call a bunch of grandmasters of chess bragging about their games in a hotel lobby?
      Chess nuts boasting in an open foyer!
    • How do sheep in Mexico say Merry Christmas?
      Fleece Navidad!
    • Why is it cold on Christmas?
      Because it’s in Decembrrrr!
    • What do you have in December that you don’t have in any other month?
      The letter « D » !
    • What do you get when you cross an archer with a gift-wrapper?
      Ribbon hood.
    • What do you get if you cross mistletoe and a duck?
      A Christmas Quacker.
    • How do sheep in Mexico say Merry Christmas?
      Fleece Navidad!
    • Why do mummies like Christmas so much?
      Because of all the wrapping!
    • Why does Santa have 3 gardens?
      So he can ho-ho-ho.
    • How come you never hear anything about the 10th reindeer « Olive » ?
      Yeah, you know, « Olive the other reindeer, used to laugh and call him names »
    • What did Adam say on the day before Christmas ?
      It’s Christmas, Eve !
    • I never believed in Santa Claus because I knew no white dude would come into my neighborhood after dark.
    • All I want for Christmas is youuuuuuuu……..to get hit by a reindeer.
    • Santa: I am feeling very unwanted. I dont think anyone in this world wants me.
      Rudolf : Why dont you murder a couple of people and rob the bank. You will be very much wanted all over.
    • Why does Santa Claus go down the chimney on Christmas Eve?
      Because it soot’s him
    • What Christmas Carol is a favorite of parents?
      Silent Night
    • Yo mama is so stupid, I told her Christmas was right around the corner – so she went looking for it.
    • What’s red and white and gives presents to good little fish on Christmas?
      Sandy Claws.
    • How did Nicki Minaj know what Lil Wayne is giving her for Christmas?
      Lil Wayne isn’t very good at wrapping.
    • Whats the difference between Tiger Woods and Santa?
      Santa stopped at 3 hos.
    • There is a special place in hell for people that play Christmas music before Thanksgiving.
    • How to be Insulting at Christmas:
      Try to find what you were given last year and give it back to the person who gave it to you.

When you are in a gathering, you must be looking forward you sharing some of your Christmas jokes. So here, we have the list of the amazing jokes that you can share with your friends and make them laugh.

You may also like Jokes for kids or Knock Knock Jokes

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