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Condom jokes

funny condom jokesWe all are aware of the uses of the condoms. They help to keep everything secure and you do not have to worry about getting pregnant. However, what will you do when we present to you the funniest Condom jokes. Yes, you get us right there are plenty of funny Condom jokes specially made for the teens and those who love to use this protection device.
The jokes will make you laugh so hard it would be hard to understand what you actually want the condom or the jokes. The jokes are for everyone who understands what it likes to get in the bed. So put aside your tiny tools, get on with this list of the amazing Condom jokes, and do not forget to share with your friends.

    • Do you know how to reuse a condom?
      Turn it inside out and wash the fu#k out of it.
    • What do a gay and a bungee jumper have in common?
      If the rubber breaks they’re both in the shit.
    • Why did the condom fly across the room?
      Because it got pissed off.
    • How did Dairy Queen get pregnant?
      Burger King forgot to wrap his whopper.
    • When is the best time to wear a condom?
      On every conceivable occasion!
    • Did you hear about the idiot that put the ice cubes in his condom?
      He wanted to keep the swelling down.
    • What did the penis say to the condom?
      Cover me, I’m going in.
    • When I turned 16 my dad handed me a condom and said, « There you go son, you’ll be needing this. »
      « Thanks dad. » I replied. « Are you sure mum is ok with this? »
      « Of course, it was her idea. « He said. » Now get upstairs while she’s still in the mood. »
    • My girlfriend said she loved my new cheese flavour condoms!
      « Sorry dear, but I wasn’t wearing a condom ».
    • What do you call grit in a condom?
      An organ grinder
    • What do you call a 500 pound woman with a condom in her hand?
      A half tonpickup, with a box liner!!
    • Have you heard about the new super-sensitive condoms?
      They hang around after the man leaves and talks to the woman.
    • I just poked some holes in my dads condom.. I need some help with these dishes fam
    • Listen, I’m wasted, but the condom in my pocket doesn’t have to be.
    • Friends are like condoms, they protect you when things get hard
    • Michael Jordan needs to start making condoms so black will actually start wearing them.
    • Dad, what happens if a condom tear?
      Look at yourself…
    • What’s the similarity between a camera and a condom?
      They’re both used to catch those special moments!
    • Condoms should be used on every conceivable occasion.
    • Boy: It’s awkward buying condoms.
      Girl: It’s awkward walking around pregnant.
    • If you ever need to get rid of a trojan, don’t hesitate to call me!
    • Why did the condom cross the road?
      Because it was pissed off.
    • What do you call grit in a condom?
      An organ grinder.
    • What do a coffin and a condom have in common?
      They’re both filled with stiffs – except one’s coming and one’s going.
    • What’s the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb?
      You can unscrew a light bulb
    • What do condoms and coffins have in common?
      They both have stiffs in them, but one’s coming and one’s going.
    • Why do cowboys use denim condoms?
      Because they shrink to fit.
    • A representative for a condom company was on her way to an international condom convention. While rushing through the airport, she dropped her briefcase carrying her samples, scattering condoms across the floor.
      She noticed passersby looking at her as she tried to get the condoms back into her briefcase. « It’s okay, » she said. « I’m going to a convention. »
    • What do you get with a corduroy condom?
      A groovy kind of love.
    • Dad, My girlfriend is pregnant but I used condom.
      Dad: Let me explain. There once was a man in the rainforest with his umbrella. He saw a tiger approching, so he raised the umbrella and shot the tiger. Killing him.
      Son: But, that’s impossible. Maybe somebody else shot the tiger.
      Dad: Exactly.
    • What’s the difference between a tire and 365 condoms?
      One is a Goodyear and the other is a fucking goodyear!
    • The husband says to fer wife: « My Olympic condoms have arrived. Think I will wera gold tonight. »
      The wife says: « Why don’T you wera silver and cum fuckin for a change? »
    • How many animals can you fit in a condom?
      One cock, two bulls and as many hairs as you like.
    • Yeah condoms are cheaper than abortions but changing my number cheaper than condoms.
    • Yo mama’s like a race car driver… she burns a lot of rubbers.
    • What do you call a black guys condom?
      A duffel bag.
    • What’s pink and slides down the window ? condomsation.
    • Why do cowboys wear denim condoms? They shrink to fit.
    • Always wear Stealth condoms…they’ll never see you coming.
    • Isn’t it funny how the mood can be ruined so quickly by just one busted condom?
    • What do you do with 365 used condoms? ll them up into a tire and call it a Goodyear
    • A woman was asked how she felt about condoms.
      She said, « Depends on what’s in it for me. »
    • Why are condoms like cameras?
      They both capture the moment.

 

More funny Condom jokes

 

    • Why is a diploma like a condom?
      It’s rolled up when you get it, it represents a lot of effort, it’s worthless the next day.
    • What’s the difference between 365 condoms and a tire…
      A tire might be a goodyear, but 365 condoms is a GREAT year!
    • A woman walks into a drugstore and asks the pharmacist if he sells size extra large condoms.
      He replies, « Yes we do. Would you like to buy some? »
      She responds, « No sir, but do you mind if I wait around here until someone does? »
    • I was lying in bed, having just bad sex with my new girlfriend without a condom for the first time.
      « You’re absolutely sure you’ve not got anything? » She asked for the fifth time.
      « You’ve got nothing to worry about. » I replied, « 3 of my last 4 HIV tests came back negative. »
    • How do faggots get a condom off?
      They fart.
    • What do coffin and a condom have in common?
      They’re both filled with stiffs – except one’s coming and one’s going.
    • How do you recycle a condom?
      Turn it inside out and shake the fuck out of it
    • The government today announced that it is changing its emblem from an eagle to a condom because it more accurately reflects the governement’s political stance.
      A condom stands up to inflation, halts production, destroys the next generation, protects a bunch of pricks, and gives you a sense of security while you’Re actually being screwed.
      Damn, it just doesn’t get more accurate than that.
    • What is the difference between cricketers and condoms?
      Cricketers drop the catches and condoms catch the drops.
    • My birth certificate was a letter of apology that my dad got from the condom company
    • David Hasselhoff doesn’t wear a condom, because their is no protection from David Hasselhoff.
    • Who invented small condoms? Little Johnny said It wasnt me
    • Why did Jessica Simpson wear condoms on her ears?
      So she wouldn’t get Hearing AIDS
    • Why did the condom go flying across the room?
      It got pissed off!
    • To reuse a condom, turn it inside out and shake the fuck out of it
    • What do women and condoms have in common?
      If they’re not on your dick they’re in your wallet.

 

Condom Jokes and rhymes

 

    • Don’t let your affection give you an infection. Put some protection on that erection.
    • Don’t be silly, protect your Willie.
    • If you go into heat, package your meat.
    • No glove, no love.
    • Cleak the joker before you poke her.
    • Protect the fish then dip it in the dish.
    • Bag the mole then do her hole.
    • Pack it in plastic, it’ll be fantastic.
    • Armour the tank before you beat.
    • Armour the tank before launching your jet.
    • Dress him up before you mess her up.
    • No shirt, no flirt!
    • Wrap it before you slap it.
    • Over your stone before you bone.
    • Plug your tunnel then enter the tunnel.
    • Stop ste stream before you cream.
    • Don’t make a mistake, cover your snake.
    • Don’t be a fool, cover your tool.
    • If you think she’s spunky, cover your monkey.
    • Cover your stump before you hump

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