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Dead baby jokes

 

best dead baby jokesYou might be shocked to read the name but relax because the Dead baby jokes exist and you have to deal with it if you need fun. These jokes can be weird, fun and morbid at the same time. You might find it hard to understand at first but after a few turns, it would make you laugh out loud.

 

    • How many dead babies does it take to change a lightbulb?
      I don’t know, there are twenty in my basement, and my basement light still isn’t fixed.
    • I feel like every nature documentary is directed by a psychopath.
      « Here’s the cutest baby animal ever. »
      « Now let’s watch something eat it. »
    • Whats worse then a barrel of dead babies?
      There is one at the bottom that is still alive.
      Whats worse then that?
      He has to eat his way out.
      Whats worse then that?
      He goes back for more.
    • What do you call a dead baby with no arms and no legs hanging on your wall?
      Art.
    • What’s worse than finding a dead baby on your pillow in the morning?
      Realizing you were drunk and made love to it the night before.
    • What is the differance between a dead baby and a VHS tape?
      The VHS tape don’t stink when you leave it out in the sun.
    • What’s funnier than a dead baby?
      A dead baby in a clown costume!
    • What’s the difference between a dead baby and an onion.
      You don’t cry when you chop up a dead baby.
    • How many babies does it take to paint a wall red?
      It depends how hard you throw them.
    • One of the twin boys found in a pond in Staffordshire has died.
      I wonder if his parents will keep him for spare parts?
    • What »s harder than nailing a dead baby to a tree?
      My cock while I »m doing it.
    • What »s brown and taps on the window?
      A baby in a microwave.
    • What »s blue and flies round the room?
      A baby with a punctured lung.
    • What’s purple and kicks?
      A baby suffocating in a plastic bag.
    • What’s red and white and keeps getting smaller?
      A baby combing its hair with a potato peeler.
    • What do you call a dead baby with no arms and no legs left in the middle of the ocean?
      FUCKED!
    • How do you make a dead baby float?
      Take your foot off its head.
    • Big foot claims he saw Chuck Norris
    • The only thing written on Chuck Norris’s passeport is ”it’s me”.
    • What sits in the kitchen and keeps getting smaller and smaller?
      A baby combing it’s hair with a potato peeler.
    • How do you turn a baby into a dog?
      Pour gas over it and light a match–WOOF!
    • What is pink and red and silver and crawls into walls?
      A baby with forks in its eyes.
    • What’s worse than a dead baby in a trashcan lid?
      A trashcan lid in a dead baby.
    • How do you make a dead baby float?
      Take your foot off of it’s head.
    • How do you stop a baby falling down a well?
      Stick a javelin through it’s head.
    • What’s more fun than strapping a baby to a clothesline and then spinning it around at 200km/h?
      Stopping it with a shovel.
    • What is green and sits in a corner?
      The same baby, six weeks later
    • What does a blind, deaf, quadriplegic baby can get for Christmas ?
      Cancer.
    • What bounces up and down at 100mph?
      A baby tied to the back of a truck.
    • What’s worse than smoking pot with a baby?
      Making a bong out of it
    • What’s grosser than gross?
      A garbage can full of dead babies.
      What’s grosser than that?
      The one at the bottom is still alive.
      What’s grosser than that?
      He has to eat his way to freedom.
      What’s grosser than that?
      He goes back for more.
    • What happens when you burn baby’s face off?
      It makes weird noises and crawls into walls.
    • What is the differance between a dead baby and a VHS tape?
      The VHS tape doesn’t stink when you leave it out in the sun .
    • Woman delivers baby. Doctor takesthebaby, and throws it, smashing around the hospital room, drop-kicking it etc. Mother starts freaking out, being held back by nurses, begging ”WHYYYYY!!??”.
      Doctor holds baby upside down by the ankle and says ”I’m just fucking with you, it waas born dead”.
    • How many dead babies can you fit in a blender?
      I don’t know, I just like to hear them scream.
    • What has more brains than a dead baby?
      The wall behind it.
    • How many dead babies does it take to paint a wall red?
      Depends how hard you throw them.
    • What’s the difference between a dead baby and a trampoline?
      When you jump on a trampoline, you take your boots off.
    • What’s funnier than a dead baby?
      A dead baby in a clown costume!
    • Your momma’s pussy is so hairy, when your brother was born he died of rugburn.
    • How do you make a dead baby float?
      Take your foot off of it’s head.
    • What is special about a dead baby over all other forms of life?
      You can achieve deep throat from whichever way you enter.
    • What is worse than finding a dead baby in your house?
      Finding your husband beside it with his pants down!
    • Have you heard the joke about the baby with AIDS?
      It never gets old.
    • Why is boiling water asked for when babies are being born?
      So soup can be made if the baby is stillborn.
    • What does a dead baby in an oven look like?
      I don »t know either, I was too busy wanking
    • What »s more fun than spinning a baby around at 100mph on a rotary washing line?
      Stopping it with a shovel.
    • What »s small and hangs from the ceiling?
      A baby on a meat hook.
    • What’s harder than nailing a dead baby to a tree ?
      My cock while i’m doing it
    • Whats the difference between a dead baby and an apple?
      You don’t cum on the apple before you eat it.
    • How do you load dead babies onto a truck?
      Use pitchforks.
    • What’s the difference between a tennis ball and a baby?
      A baby doesn’t bounce when you throw it against a wall.
    • What do you call a dead baby with no arms and no legs in a swimming pool?
      Bob
    • What is the difference between a baby and a Mars Bar?
      About 500 calories.
    • What has 4 legs and one arm?
      A doberman on a children’s playground.
    • What is blue and flies around the room at high speeds?
      A baby with a punctured lung.
    • How do you turn a baby into a cat?
      Freeze it solid, then run it through a bandsaw–M-E-O-W-W…
    • What is the difference between a bucket of gravel and a bucket of baby guts?
      You can’t gargle gravel.
    • How many dead babies can fit in a barrel?
      4 1/2.
    • What’s funnier than a dead baby?
      A dead baby sitting next to a kid with down syndrome.
    • What’s white and red and hangs from a telephone wire?
      A baby shot through a snowblower.
    • What’s the difference between a baby and a grandmother?
      Grandmothers don’t die when you fuck them up the ass
    • What’s red, screams and goes around in circles?
      A baby with its foot nailed to the floor.
    • What is the definition of revenge?
      A baby with a dog in its mouth.
    • What is special about a dead baby over all other forms of life
      You can achieve deep throat from whichever way you enter
    • What’s the difference between a dead baby and a Styrofoam cup?
      A dead baby doesn’t harm the atmosphere when you burn it.
    • Why did the toddler drop it’s lollipop?
      It was hit by a truck.
    • How do you get them out?
      Chips.
    • What’s the difference between a dead baby and a Styrofoam cup?
      A dead baby doesn’t harm the atmosphere when you burn it.
    • How do you know when a baby is a dead baby?
      The dog plays with it more.
    • What’s better than 10 dead babies in 1 bag?
      1 dead baby in 10 bags.
    • What do you buy a dead baby for its birthday?
      A dead puppy!
    • What’s the difference between a dead baby and a table?
      You can’t fuck a table.

 

Best dead baby jokes

 

    • How do you prepare a dead baby for Valentine’s Day?
      You shove a box of chocolates down his throat and a bouquet of roses up his ass.
    • How do you fit 50 babies into a bucket?
      With a blender.
      How do you get them out again?
      Doritos.
    • How do you make a baby crawl in circles?
      Nail its hand to the floor.
      How do you make it stop?
      Nail its other hand to the floor.
    • The body of a dead baby has been found dumped at a council recycling centre. That’s disgusting! The signs clearly say; Paper, Metal and Glass only.
    • What’s funnier than a dead baby in a trash can lid?
      A trash can lid in a dead baby.
    • What’s harder than nailing a dead baby to a tree ?
      My cock while i’m doing it
    • What has four wheels, smokes, and screams?
      A bus on fire loaded with babies.
    • What goes plop, plop, fizz, fizz?
      Twins in an acid bath.
    • What is pink, flies and squeals?
      A baby fired from a catapult.
      What do you call the baby when it lands?
      Free pizza.
    • Why did the baby cross the road?
      It was stapled to the chicken.
    • What is red and is creeping up your leg?
      An abortion with homesickness.
    • What is better than a dead baby?
      The revoked child-support.
    • What’s the difference between a dead baby and a tire iron?
      I don’t have a tire iron in the trunk of my car.
    • How do you stop a baby crawling round in circles ?
      Nail its other hand to the floor.
    • What do you get when you dislocate a dead baby’s jaw?
      Deep Throat.
    • What goes plop, plop, fizz, fizz?
      Twins in an acid bath.
    • How are babies and the elderly alike?
      Both are fun to throw out of moving cars.
    • What’s the difference between a baby and a bagel?
      You can put a bagel in the toaster. You have to put the baby in the oven.
    • How do you make a dead baby float?
      Two scoops of ice cream, one scoop of dead baby.
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