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Dirty jokes

 

funny Dirty jokesDirty jokes have been among us for ages but most of us are too shy to share the jokes that we have heard. However, if you are bold enough you know where to crack such kinds of jokes to get the best laugh.
We all know that dirty jokes are unsavory that will never be appropriate for any kind of gathering. However, there are some interesting punch lines that you can share when you are in the group of friends. Most of the funny dirty jokes are shared when one of your friends or relatives are going to get married soon. So if you do not know any of them you will feel left out. So here we have some of the best and cringes worthy dirty jokes that will make everyone laugh.

    • You ever wipe your ass for so long you just get tired of wiping?
      So you just say to hell with it and say you’ll just shower later.
    • When do you kick a midget in the balls?
      When he is standing next to your girlfriend saying her hair smells nice
    • How does a woman scare a gynecologist?
      By becoming a ventriloquist!
    • How do you kill a circus clown?
      Go for the juggler!
    • Why doer Dr. Pepper come (cum) in the bottle?
      Because his wife died!
    • What do you call 2 guys fighting over a slut?
      Tug-of-whore.
    • What’s a porn star’s favorite drink?
      7 Up in cider.
    • Why do you call an artist with a brown finger?
      Piccassole
    • Three words to ruin a man’s ego…?
      ”Is it in?”
    • Why does Miss Piggy douche with honey?
      Because Kermit likes sweet and sour pork.
    • Why can’t you hear a psychiatrist using the bathroom?
      Because the ‘p’ is silent
    • What did the elephant say to a naked man?
      Hey that’s cute but can you breath through it?
    • If a firefighters business can go up in smoke, and a plumbers business can go down the drain, can a hooker get layed off?
    • What do you call two fat people talking?
      A heavy discussion.
    • Why do women rub their eyes when they get up in the morning?
      They don’t have balls to scratch.
    • Why do dwarfs laugh when they play soccer?
      They grass tickles their balls
    • What is the the difference between erotic and kinky?
      Erotic is using a feather… Kinky is using the whole chicken.
    • How do you embarrass an archaeologist?
      Give him a used tamon and ank him which period it came from.
    • How man Sorority girls does it take to screw in a light bulb?
      Two, One to screw it in, and one to take a picture.
    • What’s the difference between a G-spot and a golf ball?
      A guy will actually search for a golf ball.
    • What do the Mafia and pussies have in common?
      One slip of the tongue, and you’re in deep shit.
    • What do you call a lesbian dinosaur?
      Lick-a-lotta-puss.
    • What does one saggy boob say to the other saggy boob?
      If we don’t get some support, people will think we’re nuts.
    • What do you call the useless piece of skin on a dick?
      The man.
    • What’s the difference between your wife and your job?
      After five years, your job will still suck.
    • Why did God give men penises?
      So they’d have at least one way to shut a woman up.
    • A priests asks the convicted murderer at the electric chair. ”Do you have any last requests?”
      ”Yes,” replies the murderer. ”Can you please hold my hand?”
    • A woman visits the doctor as she has some abdominal pains and suspects she may be pregnant.
      After examination, the doctor comes out to see her: ”Well, i hope you like changing nappies/diapers”.
      She replies: ”Oh my god am I pregnant, am i pregnant!?”
      To which he responds: ”No, you’ve got bowel cancer.”
    • ”I’m sorry” and ”I apologize” mean the same thing. Except at a funeral.
    • Wife Darling, do I please you in bed?
      Hubby: Yes I love that trick you do with your mouth.
      Wife: What trick?
      Hubby: The one where you shut the fuck the fuck up and go to sleep.
    • What’s the difference between your job and a dead prostitute?
      Your job still sucks!
    • What’s 6 inches long, 2 inches wide and drives women wild?
      A 100$ bill!
    • Did you hear about the guy who died of a Viagra overdose?
      They couldn’t close his casket.
    • What do you call a chaep circumcision?
      A rip off Girl: ” Hey, what’s up?” Boy: ”If I tell you, will you sit on it?”
    • If the world is a Jacket where do poor people live?
      In the hood.
    • How do you circumcise a hillbilly?
      Kick his sister in the jaw.
    • Did you guys hear about the cannibal that made a bunch of businessmen into Chili?
      I guess he liked seasoned professionals.
    • A redhead tells her blonde stepsister, ”I slept with a Brazilian…” The blonde replies, ”Oh my God! You slut! How many is a brazilian?”
    • What do you call a party with 100 midgets?
      A little get together.
    • What do you call a lesbian dinosaur
      A lickalotopis
    • What’s the difference between roast beef and pea soup?
      Anyone can roast beef.
    • Do you know what the square roof of 69 is?
      Ate something
    • How do you start a parade in the ghetto?
      Roll a 40 down the street.
    • What do you call a man who cries while he masturbates?
      A tearjerker.
    • How do you rape a camel?
      One hump at a time.
    • Did you hear about the butcher who backed into the meat grinder?
      He got behind in his work.
    • What do you get when cross a donkey and an onion?
      A piece of ass that’ll bring a tear to your eye!
    • What did one broke hooker ask the other?
      Lend me $10 till I’m on my back again.
    • What did the sign on the door of the whorehouse say?
      Beat it, we’re closed.
    • What does the sign on an out-of-business brother say?
      Beat it. We’re closed.
    • Why was the guitar teacher arrested?
      For fingering a minor.
    • What’s the best part about sex with 28-year-olds?
      There are twenty of them.
    • What’s the difference between a Catholic priest and a zit?
      A zit will wait until you’Re twelve before it comes on your face.
    • What’s the best part about gardening?
      Getting down and dirty with your hoes.
    • Why do vegetarians give good head?
      Because they’re used to eating nuts.
    • Why do walruses love a tupperware party?
      They’re always on the lookout for a tight seal.
    • What’s the difference between anal and oral sex?
      Oral sex makes your day. Anal makes your hole weak.
    • A man went to the library and asked for a book on how to commit suicide.
      The libririan said: ”Fuck off you won’t bring it back”
    • So a guy is walking with a young boy into the woods.
      Boy ”hey mister its getting dark out and I’m scared”
      Man ”how do you think i feel, i have to walk back alone”
    • A boss is like a diaper, always on your ass and usually full of shit!!
    • What did the hurricance say to the coconut palm tree?
      Hold on your nuts, this no ordinary blowjob!
    • What’s long and hard and has cum in it?
      a cucumber
    • Who was the worlds first carpenter?
      Eve, because she made Adams banana standing
    • What does it mean when your boyfriend is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name?
      You didn’t hold the pillow down long enough.

 

More funny dirty jokes

 

    • What’s sliny cold long and smells like pork?
      Kermit the frogs finger
    • What’s the difference between a hooker and a drug dealer?
      A hooker can wash her cracj and sell it again.
    • What do you call an afgan virgin
      Mever bin laid on
    • Chuck Norris once tried surfing, witch started a Tsunami
    • The Bermuda triangle is actually the location of Chuck Norris’ Dojo
    • What is the difference between an illegal immigrant and E.T.?
      E.T. eventually went home!
    • What’s the difference between being hungry and horny?
      Where you put cucumber.
    • Why dud Tigger look in the toilet?
      Because he was looking for Pooh
    • What kind of bees produce milk?
      Boobies
    • What should you do if yout girlfriend starts smoking?
      Slow down. And possibly use a lubricant.
    • What did the banana say to the vibrator?
      Why are YOU shaking? She’s going to eat me!
    • What’s the difference between a hait stylist and a nail stylist?
      One does had jobs and one does blow jobs!
    • What is the difference between snowmen and snowwomen?
      Snowballs.
    • Two men visit a prostitute. The first man goes into the bedroom. He comes out ten minutes later and says,”Heck. My wife is better than that.”
      The second man goes in. He comes out ten minutes later and says, ”YEAH, YOU ARE RIGHT! You know? Your wife IS better.”
    • What’s the difference between a pregnant woman and a lightbulb?
      You can unscrew a lightbulb.
    • What do a penis and a Rubik’s Cubes have in common?
      The more you play with it, the harder it gets.
    • How is a girlfriend like a laxative?
      They both irritate the shit out of you.
    • What’s long and hard and full of semen?
      A submarine.
    • What’s the difference betweene your boyfriend and a condom?
      Condoms have evolved: They’re not so thick and insensitive anymore.
    • Even people who are good for nothing have the capacity to bring a smile to your face, for instance when you push them down the stairs.
    • So steven Hawking walks into a bar…just kidding

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