Funny Christmas jokes
On the first day of Christmas my true love sent to me; 3 fresh hens, two turtle goats, two penguins and a cartridge in a pear tree. On the seventh day of Christmas my true love sent to me; six fresh eggs, two turtle doves and a cartridge in a pear tree. Jeez! Did I actually sing or say that? I cant count how many Christmas carols I’ve missed in my life. Back then we roll with them gangsters, you know what I’m saying? Yeah, we did our Christmas In the streets, no carols, no gifts, just guys chilling with some liquid inside some bottle.
What or who is Santa clause? We didn’t give a damn about that and I’m grateful I didn’t fall for that trick in my life. That scene when your uncle disguises as Santa and offers you gifts from Rome. I’m grateful I didn’t fall for all of that shit. I’m sorry I had to call that “shit.” But honestly, its absurd. You have been expecting Santa for weeks now and suddenly he arrives. You are ready, well dressed and everywhere is in order. Just as he is about to give some fake gifts from Rome, you mistakenly pulled of his beard and the next thing you screamed was “ UNCLE BOB” jeez! I thought mom just said uncle bob left the country. So all this was a set up? Man, the next Christmas, I wasn’t home. I was in the street having some fun. If you have been in my shoes before, you’d probably used a more dirty word than that. Now that we are grown ups and matured people, we just have to follow suit. Tell the same story to our kids, Uncle Ben is leaving the country where as he’d come visiting at night as Santa. I really wish my kids are as smart as I was when I was also a kid. I was born some centuries back, so you’d be pretty young to understand what I’m saying.
Yeah, so back to the main thing. Our compiled funny Christmas jokes are very funny and entertaining. Do you know why they are? It is because I hate the Santa trick during Christmas so every joke you see on the site is borne out of my hateful experience of Christmas. They’re jokes to be told specifically on Christmas day especially that moment you have uncovered the true identity of Santa or that moment you discover your parents are playing Christmas games. Kids, don’t be fooled. There’s no Santa anywhere. Let me give you a simple idea on how to play smart on this coming Christmas. When Santa comes over to hand you gifts on Christmas, get closer to him. Pretend you wanna give him a hug and then pull off his cap. You’d be surprise at what you’ll find trust me. You’re welcome. I know you are thanking me for that simple trick. Its called the wisdom of the aged. I learned it in the mid 1800’s when a little kid played the same trick on me. Don’t forget to get the gifts before trying it.
1. Silent night
2. « Let’s work together to destruy this tree »
3. Works 1 day a year,
Spends the rest of the year judging others!
4. It’s always the same… I’m good for 364 straight days, then in one night
I binge on a hunderd million serving cookies and milk…
5. Why are Dasher and dancer always taking coffee breaks?
Because they are my star bucks.
6. Jingle those bells, Baby! Woo!
Why they call her « Vixen. »
7. Tell us how the fuck Santa gets to in all them houses in one day
8. Whose idea was it to invite frosty over to our hot tub?
9. You’re not going to blog this… Are you Rudolph?
Nope. This is going straitght to your tube.
10. Whew – now to kick back and spend the next
eleven months doing absolutely nothing.
You’re a Oongressman too?
11. I’m done, i just can’t do this anymore
12. Look at all the gifts
I’m not gonna give for Christmas
14. When finals are coming up but so it’s christmas
14. When ur Christmas Af
15. « Christmas is coming »
Michael Bublé Emerges from his cave
16. No need bag this year.
Everuthing the kids want is om this memory stick.
17. Christmas in Dubai be like…
18. Buzz: Christmas Christmas everywhere
Woody: What happened to thanksgiving
19. Me sleeping tonight knowing the Christmas season is over
20. Me: I don’t like Christmas song
*Santa baby play*
21. Before you make fun of children for believing in Santa Claus
Remember there are adults who think coolers are worth $300
22. I’ve seen your facebook statuses
You’re getting a dictionary for Christmas
23. Right I’m going to ask again you nicely – Let go?
25. It possesses the same fullt bodied flavor of the toilet bowl,
Yet has a distincttive woodsy taste…
26. Hello, employement agency
There’s been a mistake…
I asked for 10 Elves!
27. Too much information…
28. Knows where all the bad girls live
Keeps it to himself
29. Forever alone on Christmas day…
Not even Saanta comes to see me.