Funny Offensive Jokes

Funny Offensive Jokes

Have you been kidnapped before? I’m sure your big fat ass hasn’t. What have you experienced in our whole life dude? Get your ass to my site and see visions. Close your eyes and take a deep breath. What do you see? I was in Asia some few years back. I had a pleasant and stupid experience. This world is damn cruel. There are a set of people called Ritualist. They use people’s blood and body parts for rituals and become mysteriously rich in the process. That’s very cruel, isn’t it? Funny enough, anyone can fall a victim of this crazy fools. You must be alert and be watchful wherever you are and with whatever you think you are doing.

This ritualist needs healthy, smart and good looking people for their rituals. One day, a big taxi parked across the street to transport some people. As usual, nobody was aware that these Ritualists were on the move again. A whole lot of people went with the taxi including myself. Surprisingly, we were taken beyond our destination. Immediately, we knew all of us were in the hands of this Ritualists. Some old men in the vehicle began sharing tears instead of planning a brave move.

After traveling to an extended distant area, we were asked to alight from the vehicle and kneel before a shrine. A robust fat ugly looking priest came out and congratulated us all for intentionally donating our lives to the gods. He promised us that our deaths would be easy and fast if we cooperated with him. The first thing he asked us to do was to bring out everything we had on us. Our smartphones, purses, handbags, and everything. We all did as instructed.

The next thing was to begin to say our names and where we were from. When it got to my turn, I pretended to be dumb. The priest replied “idiot whats your name? Would you answer or I ask one of the guards help you out.” I replied “mmmmmmmy nnn nnammmme issss is mmaaa” PUTAAAAAIIII!! that was the sound of the slap that landed on my face. What the hell? If I received that kind of slap again, I would not only tell my full name but the names of my family members as well. The priest replied, “I see you are disabled in your speech, the gods don’t accept foul people like you, guards dump him outside the camp and let him go.” Immediately I heard that I couldn’t explain the joy I experienced in my mind even though tears were running through my cheeks.

The next person beside me was asked to tell his name. He also began; “mmmmy my nna naa name is“…. “Sweet” the priest replied. WHOAATASSH was the slap that landed on his face he repeated his name ten times without stopping. The herbalist was drunk with laughter; it seems people wanted to deceive the gods. After I was led outside the camp to find my way, I screamed “you bunch of fat, ugly looking idiots, you really thought I was foolish weren’t you?” I took my heels afterward. I’ve compiled a good number of funny, offensive jokes for y’all on the site. 

 

1. This church is not full of hypocrites.
There’s always room for more.

2. Donald Sterling be like
Peace offering

3. Chinese ppl be like
Happy Thanksgiving!

4. Stupid you are
Breed you should not

5. When someone gets offended over one of my Instagram post
Its not that deep

6. -This is a fetus at 4 weeks…
Look at its little feet and tiny hands. Abortion is murder..

7. What do you call it when a white man dancing has a seizure?
An improvement

8. Woman astronaut
Because sandwiches won’t make themselves up here

9. The great wall of china is a world wonder
Because it’s the only chinese made thing that lasted longer than a month

10. What’s the difference between Iron man and Iron woman?
Iron Man is a super hero, Iron Woman is an order.

11. All black people…
Have gap between teeth!

12. The great wall of china is a world wonder
Because it’s the only chinese made thing that lasted longer than a month

13. If you watch Cinderella backwards
It’s about a woman who learns her place

14. There, there
Ugly bald puppy

15. Call of Duty
Women’s Edition

16. Mexican words of the day: Basebowl and teekits
It’s almost basebowl season Im gonna need some teekits homes

17. No Tyrone I don’t want to
Listen to your mixtape

18. Feminism
Strong, smart, and independent until things get a little bit difficult.

19. The only « B » word you should call a girl is beautiful
Bitches love to be called beautiful

20. White dikes
Look like Bobby Hill

21. When you catch ya girl tryna unlock ya phone

22. This is the reason white kids shoot up schools

23. Syndrome
Of a down

24. Hey since I’m dating you ,can I say NIGG…

25. My last relationship was like Forrest & Jenny
I was retarded and she was a whore

26. What would Britney do?
Get a second starbucks

27. Scotland
Population : 55% cunts 45% Scots

28. My name is Bond
Vaga Bond

29. Get kampfy
Because tonight you’re mein

30. Get you a man who can’t walk out your life.

 

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