Funny Offensive Jokes
Have you been kidnapped before? I’m sure your big fat ass hasn’t. What have you experienced in our whole life dude? Get your ass to my site and see visions. Close your eyes and take a deep breath. What do you see? I was in Asia some few years back. I had a pleasant and stupid experience. This world is damn cruel. There are a set of people called Ritualist. They use people’s blood and body parts for rituals and become mysteriously rich in the process. That’s very cruel, isn’t it? Funny enough, anyone can fall a victim of this crazy fools. You must be alert and be watchful wherever you are and with whatever you think you are doing.
This ritualist needs healthy, smart and good looking people for their rituals. One day, a big taxi parked across the street to transport some people. As usual, nobody was aware that these Ritualists were on the move again. A whole lot of people went with the taxi including myself. Surprisingly, we were taken beyond our destination. Immediately, we knew all of us were in the hands of this Ritualists. Some old men in the vehicle began sharing tears instead of planning a brave move.
After traveling to an extended distant area, we were asked to alight from the vehicle and kneel before a shrine. A robust fat ugly looking priest came out and congratulated us all for intentionally donating our lives to the gods. He promised us that our deaths would be easy and fast if we cooperated with him. The first thing he asked us to do was to bring out everything we had on us. Our smartphones, purses, handbags, and everything. We all did as instructed.
The next thing was to begin to say our names and where we were from. When it got to my turn, I pretended to be dumb. The priest replied “idiot whats your name? Would you answer or I ask one of the guards help you out.” I replied “mmmmmmmy nnn nnammmme issss is mmaaa” PUTAAAAAIIII!! that was the sound of the slap that landed on my face. What the hell? If I received that kind of slap again, I would not only tell my full name but the names of my family members as well. The priest replied, “I see you are disabled in your speech, the gods don’t accept foul people like you, guards dump him outside the camp and let him go.” Immediately I heard that I couldn’t explain the joy I experienced in my mind even though tears were running through my cheeks.
The next person beside me was asked to tell his name. He also began; “mmmmy my nna naa name is“…. “Sweet” the priest replied. WHOAATASSH was the slap that landed on his face he repeated his name ten times without stopping. The herbalist was drunk with laughter; it seems people wanted to deceive the gods. After I was led outside the camp to find my way, I screamed “you bunch of fat, ugly looking idiots, you really thought I was foolish weren’t you?” I took my heels afterward. I’ve compiled a good number of funny, offensive jokes for y’all on the site.