Funny sex jokes

One thing you guys need to know is that I’m into ladies a lot. I love ladies so much that I consider them a blessing from heaven. Beautiful pair of boobs, a big ass? Nothing more can make me happier that. It’s a pleasure-loving ladies, and that’s what I’ll spend the rest of my life doing “loving ladies.” Have you any problems with that? Go through the holy bible and see. The richest and wisest man who ever lived had 700 wives and 300 concubines. Man, that’s a real Gee, that’s a real man unlike weak and lazy men today that can handle a single lady. If you cant handle a simple “MADAM,” come to me for tutorials “ SIR-DAM” you need tutorials, stop being a weak man. All those ladies make mockery outta you in private, talk to me “SIR-DAM” I will fix your problems.

Imagine Solomon having a thousand ladies to himself and he doesn’t complain and he didn’t die young. How I wished he lived in our time. Mr Solomon, ladies have evolved don’t try them again cos they’d finish you. I wonder the size of your rod. It would be the largest in mankind’s history. You are a unique nigga man! Rest in Peace. I’m planning on being your predecessor. I’m fit for the job. I’ll give these ladies the rod of life.

I can see you are engrossed in that first paragraph. There’s a part you didn’t read in the line “the size of your rod” I know you went back to read that statement. But why?????????? Anything involving sex, your mind is hypersensitive. Sir-dam and ma-dams your minds are dirty. Any sex-related joke or any funny sex joke never leaves your mind. They can stay there for eternity. I just said ‘rod,’ and I see a series of movies running in your minds. Why are you smiling? Cos I got you right. That other lady is **t already. And that other guy. Anyway, this section is “dirty sex jokes section” I think I’d group the guys and ladies in different sections each. If your PPT ain’t hairy, get your ass straight to Compton. Make sure you control your libido in this section. I won’t be responsible for any dirty stuff. I, being a saint; I’m going to the temple to worship. My filthy assistant will handle the rest. See ya.

I’m going to the temple to worship. The first thing I do is to go through the book of “Songs of Solomon.” I can recite that part of the bible without mistakes, and I expect my congregation to do so as well. Whenever I preach to my group, they know the deal. We read the first chapter of songs of Songs of Solomon and digest it then each member recites it until they understand it correctly. If you don’t describe it well in three trials, then you’d be in a hot, sour and peppery stew. Won’t you want me to cook you right? Then come and worship with us at our site. Service days remains the same. I have a joke communion for y’all.

Funny sex jokes

1. I fucked
Queen Elizabeth

sex jokes

2. When she asks if you pulled out and you say yeah

3. How I be looking when I know my evil ass is
about to fu*k someones day all the way up

4. What do Fluorine, Uranium, Carbon, and Potassium want to do together?
FUCK

5. Girls be like … All the guys think about is sex
Bitch please …

6. The day i realized i didn’t no bitch to bust a nut

7. I can’t have children
Challenge accepted

8. When you agreed to eat her ass then find out she doesn’t shave

9. When a bitch who didnt fuck say she hungry

10. -When you told her to come over to chill
and watch Netflix but she keeps pressuring you to have sex

11. When she complaining during sex.
Shut the fuck up and enjoy the greatness.

12. -When you been ridin his dick reverse cowgirl
for 15 minutes straight and he asks if you’re ready for anal.

13. When bae asks what you got him for Valentine’s Day.

14. When you’re riding the dick and see a
roach crawl up on this bed

15. When he tells you to call him Daddy in bed

16. What do you mean your head hurts…
You said we were having sex tonight

17. Now we know what Jay-Z sees during sex

18. I was going through my mom old high school photo and
To Shawna from Teroy
When we gonna fuck

19. When she sucking ya dick,
but it’s all teeth & the only way to stop her is…

20. When she asks why you didn’t pull out
Plant your seeds

21. Best Friend: « So I, had sex last night. »
Me:
I am shocked and I want details!

22. When he find out
The pussy good

23. *sits 27 hours for an oil painting*
Omg god delete that. I’m serious bartholomew.
Do not hang that in the great hall

24. When you been raw dogging all month
and her birth control pack look like
an incomplete game of connect 4

25. You had sex in your mom’s Dodge Neon
How romantic

26. When your dick is roughy 9 inches long with a 6 inch girth
& when you slide it in she doesn’t gasp or moan

27. Sex teacher
First lesson is free

28. Your grades depend
On her sex life

29. What if wet dreams
Are really just a result of ghost sex?

30. 80 minutes. 15 positions. No protection
Wanna ruck?

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