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Hilarious jokes

 

hilarious jokesFunny jokes are not enough for you; do not worry because we have the collection of the best Hilarious jokes for you. These are so funny that your stomach will start to hurt from laughing so much. The Hilarious jokes are the funniest jokes that you will ever find and they have a little touch of sassiness.
Remember that laughter is the medicine of the soul and with the help of the Hilarious jokes you can keep your mind and body healthy and away from the doctors. So get started with the Hilarious jokes and laugh as much as you can because no one will dare to stop you.

 

    • Don’t fart in an Apple Store
      Because they don’t have windows
    • Singing on the shower is all fun and games until you get shampoo in your mouth, then it just becomes a soap opera.
    • Parrallel lines have so much in common.
      It’S a shame they’ll never meet.
    • How many Germans does it take to screw in a light bulb?
      One, they’re efficient and not very funny.
    • What’s green, fuzzy, and if it fell out of a tree it would kill you?
      A pool table.
    • I went to really emotional wedding the other day.
      Even thhe cake was tiers.
    • A hot blonde orders a double entendre at the bar.
      The bartender gave it to her.
    • To the handicapped guy who stole my bag.
      You can hide but you can’t run.
    • How do you think the unthinkable?
      With an itheberg.
    • The first rule of Alzheimer’s club,
      is don’t talk about chess club.
    • Why did the emts travel in sets of two?
      They wanted to be pair-a-medics!
    • I asked my North Korean friend how it was there, he said he couldn’t complain.
    • People usedd to laugh at me when I would say ”I want be a comedian”, well nobody’s laughing now.
    • My wife and I were happy for twenty years; then we met.
    • My grandfather has the heart of lion and a lifetime ban from the local zoo.
    • I saw a sign that said ”watch for children” and I thought, ”That sounds like a fair trade.”
    • People say I’m condescending. That means i talk down to people.
    • I was at an ATM and this old lady asked me to help check her balance, so I pushed her over.
    • The voices in my head may not be real but they have some good ideas
    • Laugh at your problems, everybody else does.
    • Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won’t expect it back.
    • We have enough gun control. What we need is idiot control.
    • I discovered I scream the same way whether I’m about to be devoured by a great white shark or if a piece of seaweed touches my foot.
    • My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you’re ugly too.
    • I don’t trust anything that bleeds for five days and doesn’t die.
    • I got a new stick deodorant today. The instructions said: Remove cap and push up bottom. I can barely walk but, whenever I fart, the room smells lovely.
    • Farting is like the song of frozen.
      Work: conceal, don’t feel, don’t let them know…
      At home: let it go! let it go! Can’t hold it back anymore…
    • My wife accused me of being immature.
      I told her to get of my fort.
    • What do you call a dog with no legs.
      it doesn’t matter: it’S not going to come.
    • Apparently, someone in London gets stabbed every 52 seconds.
      Poor bastard.
    • We have a genetic predisposition for diarrhea.
      Runs in our jeans.
    • Want to hear a word I just made up?
      Plagiarism.
    • I took the shell off my racing snail, thinking it would make him run faster.
      If anything, made him more sluggish.
    • Someone stole my mood ring.,
      I don’t know I feel about that.
    • Why does a chicken coop have two doors?
      It had four doors it would be a chickn sedan.
    • I hate Russian dolls, they’re so full of themselves.
    • I haven’t talked to my wife in three weeks. I didn’t want to interrupt her.
    • My wife told me to stop impresonating a flamingo. I had to put my foot down.
    • I haven’t slept for three days, because that would be too long.
    • Say what you want about deaf people…
    • I refused to believe my road worker father was stealing from his job, but when I got home, all the signs were there.
    • You can never lose a homing pigeon – If your homing pigeon doesn’t come back, what you’ve lost is a pigeon.
    • A clear conscience is usually the sign of bad memory.
    • Never gte into fights with ugly people, they have nothing to lose.
    • He who smiles in a crisis has found someone to blame.
    • Hospitality: making your guests feel like they’re at home, even if you wish they were.
    • A little biy asked his father, ”Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?” Father replied, ”I don’t know son, I’m still paying.”
    • Some cause hapiness whereever they go, Others whenever they go.
    • I like work. It fascinates me. I sit and look at it for hours.
    • Today I sent out a text saying, ”Hey, I lost my phone, will you call it?”
      12 people called me…
      I need smarter friends.
    • Women only call me ugly until they find out how much money i make.
      Then they call me ugly and poor.

 

Hilarious short jokes

 

    • Someone stole my Microsoft Office and they’re gonna pay.
      You have my Word.
    • How do you find Will Smith in the snow?
      You look for the fresh prints.
    • Why do cows wear bells?
      Because their horns don’t work.
    • And the Lord said unto John, ”Come forth and you will recieve eternal life”
      But John came fifth, and won a toaster.
    • I tried to catch fog yesterfay,
      Mist
    • I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high.
      She looked surprised.
    • Don’t let an extra chromosome get you down.
    • Throwing acid is wrong, in some people’s eyes.
    • The first time I got a universal remote control, I thought to myself ”This changes everything.”
    • I’ve spent the past four years looking for my ex-girlfriend’s killer, but no one will do it.
    • I recently decided to sell my vaccum cleaner, all it was doing was gathering dust.
    • The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.
    • It’s not the fall that kills you; it’S the sudden stop at the end.
      Artificial intelligence is no match for natura; stupidity.
    • A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip.
    • My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I am right.
    • Worrying works! 90% of the things I worry about never happen.
    • Jesus loves you, but everyone else thinks you’re an asshole.
    • A physicist sees a young man about to jump off the Empire State Building
      He yells ”Don’t do it! You have so much potential!”

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