Jew jokes

Jew jokes

Jew Jokes

Here we have for you some of Jew jokes. These jokes are not offending anyone because these are some of the amazing habits that Jews have and they have been given a funny twist. Even if you were a Jew you would laugh once you hear the Jew jokes.
The Jew jokes have been so finely delivered that you would love to keep on reading. Here we have some of the funny punch lines and one-liners that allow you to have fun and there is nothing serious in these jokes. If you think you can control your laughter read some of the Jew jokes and then we will see what happens. In-case you missed the class funny Jew jokes pictures.

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#6 If microsoft were Jewish

If microsoft were Jewish:
1. Your PC would shut down automatically at sundown on Friday evenings.
2. Your ”Start” button would be replaced with a ”Let's go! I'm not getting any younger!” button.
3. ABORT would be replaced with ”Stop it already - You're killing me! RETRY would be replaced with ”You vant I should try it again?”, and IGNORE would be replaced with ”I didn't hear that!”
4. When running ”scandisj”, youu will be prompted with a message ”You vant I should fix this?”
5. When your PC is working too hard, you would occasionally hear a loud ”Oy!!!”.
6.After your compter dies, you would dispose of it within 24 hours.

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#13 Civil War battles

Why is it that, when the Sealed Knot recreate Civil War battles, it"s considered to be enriching historical entertainment and a nice family day out but, when me and a few mates attempt to recreate the holocaust, we all get arrested?

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#22 Two Jews, Morty and Saul

Two Jews, Morty and Saul, are out one afternoon on a lake when their boat starts sinking.
Saul says to Morty, "So listen, Morty, you know I don't swim so well."
Morty remembered how to carry another swimmer from his lifeguard class when he was just a kid.
So Morty begins tugging Saul toward shore. After ten minutes, he begins to tire. Finally about 100 feet from shore, Morty asks Saul,
"So Saul, do you suppose you could float alone?"
Saul replies:
"Morty, this is a hell of a time to be asking for money!"

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#34 Attacks

The Muslims are forever carrying out terrorist attacks on Israel?
because the Jews keep taking over their land and forming their own communities.
I recently went to Luton, and realised the Muslims are a bunch of hypocrites.

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#36 Political correctness gone mad

Political correctness gone mad!I"m advertising for a new job at my company and so in the advert I politely put "Muslims and Jews need not apply."
Muslims are generally cool about it, Jews don"t care -
It"s just those fuckers from the council who are round straight away threatening me with a court summons for active racial discimination.
Stupid, dopey bastards. I"m a pork butcher, for fuck"s sake.

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#37 Tesco

Some kid was playing up and being a right twat in Tesco, so his dad gave him a smack, so this German woman comes over and tapped the dad on the shoulder and said "In my country we don"t smack our children", He replied "Well, in our country we don"t gas our jews"

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#50 A Jewish boy

A Jewish boy comes home from school and tells his mother he has a part in the play.
She asks:
'What part is it?'
The boy says:
'I play the part of the Jewish husband.'
The mother scowls and says:
'Go back and tell the teacher you want a speaking part.'

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#53 Abe’s son arrived home

Abe's son arrived home from school puffing and panting, sweat rolling down his face.
”Dad, you'll be so proud of me, ”
He said, ”I saved a pound by running behing the bus all the way home!”
”Oy Vey!” Said Abe.
”You could have run behind a taxi and saved $10.00!

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#64 Olympics

Israel are considering pulling out of the Beijing Olympics due to the smoggy air conditions.
The Chinese government says "it"s just harmless mist".
An Israeli spokesman says " we are not falling for that one again "

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