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Mexican jokes

funny mexican jokesMexican jokes are the most lively people that you will ever come across and they have some of the most delicious meals and amazing traditions. However, the way they talk and their accent has been given a funny twist in these amazing Mexican jokes.

 

 

    • What do you call a mexican midget?
      A paragraph because he’s not full essay.
    • How do you start a Mexican bedtime story
      Juan upon a time
    • How many stars did the Mexican get?
      Only Juan
    • I hate Tacos!
      Said no Juan ever
    • Why’d the Mexican cross the road?
      He took the chicken’s job.
    • Why did the Mexican guy throw his wife off of a cliff?
      Tequila!
    • What do you call a guy that’s half Mexican and half Chinese that wears only one sneaker?
      Juan Chu
    • What is the difference between a Mexican and a book?
      A book has papers.
    • Did you hear the joke about the racist mexican?
      He joined the que que que
    • What do you call a Mexican with a broken lawn mower?
      Unemployed
    • Why do Mexicans eat burritos at Christmas?
      So they have something to unwrap.
    • What do you call a Mexican who can swim?
      A Texan.
    • A Mexican, a Pakistani, and an American are in the same bar. When the Mexican finishes his beer, he throws his glass in the air, pulls out his pistol, and shoots the glass to pieces. He says, ‘In Mexico, our glasses are so cheap we don’t need to drink with the same one twice.’ The Pakistani obviously impressed by this, drinks his non-alcohol beer, throws it into the air, pulls out his AK-47, and shoots the glass to pieces. He says, ‘In the Arab World, we have so much sand to make glasses that we don’t need to drink with the same one twice either.’ The American, cool as a cucumber, picks up his beer, downs it in one gulp, throws the glass into the air, whips out his 45, and shoots the Mexican and the Pakistani. Catching his glass, setting it on the bar, and calling for a refill, he says, ‘In America we have so many illegal immigrants that we don’t have to drink with the same ones twice.’
    • What do you get when you kick a Mexican girl in the cunt?
      CuntSwella
    • What did Davy Crocket say when he saw all the mexicans running towards the alamo?
      Who ordered concrete?
    • What’s a mexican’s favorite sport?
      Cross country.
    • How do you stop a Mexican tank?
      Shoot the guy pushing it.
    • Why do Mexicans have big noses?
      So they have something to pick in the offseason.
    • How do 3 Mexicans cross the Rio Grand?
      One swims and the other two walked on the dead fish.
    • What do you call An mexican with a dog ?
      A vegetarian !
    • What do you have when there are two Mexicans in a box?
      A pair of loafers.
    • What Do You Get When You Cross A Mexican With An Octopus?
      I Don’t Know, But It Can Sure Pick Lettuce
    • What Would You Call A Mexican Gigolo?
      Juan For The Money!
    • Why Wasn’t Christ Born In Mexico?
      They Couldn’t Find Three Wise Men And A Virgin.
    • Why Is Semen White And Pee Yellow?
      So Mexicans Can Tell If They’re Coming Or Going.
    • Why Don’t Mexican Women Breast Feed Their Children?
      It Hurts Too Much To Boil Their Nipples!
    • Why Are Mexicans So Quick On Their Feet?
      Because They Spend Their First Nine Months Dodging Coat Hangers.
    • What do you call a Mexican at a university?
      The caretaker.
    • How Many Mexicans Does It Take To Eat An Armadillo?
      Three, One To Eat It And Two To Watch For Cars.
    • How do you break a Mexican’s finger?
      Punch him in the nose.
    • Have you heard about the Mexican 500 car race?
      The first car to start wins.
    • Why do Mexicans keep tin foil on their noses?
      Keeps their lunch warm.
    • Why do Mexicans have small steering wheels?
      So they can drive with handcuffs on!
    • Mexican word of ‘wheelhair’ Juan and me only have uno taco, but it’s ok wheelchair.
    • What do you call four mexicans in quicksand?
      Quatro sinko?
    • What do you get when you cross a Mexican and a German?
      A beaner Schnitzel
    • There was a Colombian, a Mexican and an American on a boat. The Mexican sees the Colombian throw a coffee bean overboard as he walks by. « Why’d you throw the coffee bean over? » asks the Mexican.
      « Because we have too many in our country ».
    • How many cops does it take to arrest a Mexican?
      Eight. One to carry him, the rest to carry his oranges.
    • What do you call a Mexican with a rubber toe?
      Roberto.
    • How come there aren’t any Mexicans on Star Trek?
      They don’t work in the future, either.
    • Good luck today on your essay, ese.
      And I’ll see you when you get home, homes.
    • How do Mexicana cut their pizza?
      Little Ceasars
    • Why do Mexicans have mustaches?
      So they can look like their mothers.
    • A new scientific study reveals that Jesus was actually a Mexican:- he was born in a barn- he walked around always wearing flip-flops- if he ever did anything, it was a miracle
    • Why are Mexicans so short?
      Because when they »re young, their parents say, « When you grow up you have to get a job »
    • How do you starve a mexican?
      Hide his food stamps under his work boots.
    • Why do Mexicans make refried beans?
      Ever heard of a Mexican doing something right the first time.
    • Why are there no Mexicans in Star Trek?
      They don’t work in the future either!
    • Why were there only 5,000 mexican soldiers at the battle of Alamo?
      They only had 2 vans
    • What is the difference between a Mexican and a bucket of crap…?
      The bucket.
    • Why do Mexicans have big noses?
      So they have something to pick in the offseason.
    • Why don’t mexicans have barbeques?
      The beans keep slipping through the grill.
    • What Do Mexicans Say Before Picking Their Noses?
      Grace.
    • What do you get when you cross a chicano and a polock?
      A kid who spray paints his name on a chain link fence.
    • What Is A Wiener?
      The First One To Cross The Line At A Mexican Track Meet.
    • When Does A Mexican Become A Spaniard?
      When He Marries Your Daughter.
    • Why Is There So Little Great mexican Literature?
      Spray Paint Wasn’t Invented Until 1950.
    • Why Don’t They Give Mexicans A Whole Hour For Lunch?
      They Don’t Want To Have To Retrain Them.
    • Why Do Mexicans Pick At Their Belly Buttons When Their Plates Are Clean?
      They Want An After-Dinner Lint.
    • What Happened To The Mexicans National Library?
      Someone Stole The Book.
    • What Did The Mexican Do With His First Fifty Cent Piece?
      He Married Her.
    • How Does The Mexican Prepare For A Trip In Alaska?
      He Packs A Six-Pack In Case He Has To Leave a Message In The Snow.
    • How can you tell a Mexican woman is on her period?
      She’s only wearing one sock
    • Did You Hear About The Mexican Terrorist Sent To Blow Up A Car?
      He Burned His Mouth On The Tailpipe.
    • What is the best-selling deodorant in Mexico?
      Raid.
    • How many Mexican mechanics does it take to lube a car?
      One if you back over him twice.
    • Why didn’t the Mexican go bow hunting?
      Because he didn’t habanero
    • How do mexicans feel about Trump wall?
      They’ll get over it.
    • What happens when a Mexican and an Indonesian make a baby?
      A car thief who can’t actually drive is born.
    • So the Mexican throws a Taco overboard. Seeing this the American asks « why did you throw that Taco overboard? ».
      The Mexican Replies « because we have too many in our country ».
      So the American picks the Mexican up and throws him overboard…
    • Have you guys ever heard of the crazy Mexican Train Killer?
      He had…Loco Motives
    • Why do mexicans make tamales on Christmas?
      So they will have something to unwrap.
    • Jesus loves you
      Means something else in Mexico…
    • What’s the Mexican version of One Direction?
      Juan Direction!
    • What do Mexicans and beans have in common?
      They both smell like beans.
    • Your mum is like a brick – flat on all sides and gets laid by Mexicans
    • What are the first words in a Mexican cookbook?
      Steal a chicken.
    • A black guy, a white guy, and a Mexican guy were eying a hot chick from across a bar.She notices them looking at her, so she walks up to them.She says,  » I want a man that »s smart. Use the words LIVER and CHEESE in one sentence. « The black guy goes  » I love to eat liver and cheese. « The white guy goes  » I like to cook liver and cheese. « The Mexican guy goes up to the girl and tells the guys  » Liver alone, cheese mine!! »
    • Why can’t mexicans play uno?
      They steal all the green cards.
    • A bunch of Mexicans are running down a hill, what is going on?
      Prison Break.
    • Why do mexican kids walk around school like they own the place?
      Because their dads built it and their mom clean it.
    • When a Mexican runs into a wall whats the first thing that hits?
      His Lawn Mower.
    • What do you call a mexican baptism?
      Bean dip.
    • Why can’t Mexicans become Doctors?
      It’s too hard to spray paint prescriptions.
    • What Do You Say To A mexican In A Three-Piece Suit?
      Will The Defendant Please Rise!
    • Why don’t Mexicans have checking accounts?
      It’s too hard to spray paint your name on the little line.

 

More funny Mexican jokes

 

    • What Do You Call A Mexican With A Vasectomy?
      A Dry Martinez.
    • What Is The Name Of Mexico’s Telephone Company?
      “Taco Bell.”
    • Why Do Mexicans Eat Beans For Dinner?
      So They Can Take Bubble Baths.
    • Why Is The Average Age Of The mexican Army, 40?
      Because They Take ’em Right Out Of High School!
    • Why Don’t Mexican Women Use Vibrators?
      It Chips Their Teeth.
    • What Do You Get When You Cross A Mexican And A Squirrel?
      A Tree Full Of Hubcaps.
    • Why Do They Using Mexicans Instead Of Laboratory Rats In Experiments Now?
      Mexicans Breed Faster And You Don’t Get So Attached To Them.
    • What Are The Three Most Difficult Years In A Mexican’s Life?
      Second Grade.
    • How can you tell a Mexican cock sucker? A: He’s the one spitting feathers.
    • How does a Mexican count?
      “1, 2, 3, another, another, another….”
    • Did you hear about the Mexican lesbian?
      She loved men.
    • Why do Mexicans drive low-riders?
      So they can drive and pick lettuce.

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