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Offensive jokes

Most Offensive jokesThe offense is not a good thing whether it is targeted towards the women, kids, men or any race. The best way to deal with the Offense is to read the best collection of the Offensive jokes. All you have to do is access and jokes and get on with it so that people will know that they can be given a fun twist as well.
The Offensive jokes are offensive in a funny way that will never let you get bored. The moment you will start reading the jokes it would be hard for you to control your laughter. You will laugh so hard that people might wonder what happened to you.

 

 

    • Why is a Spic like a Skunk?
      Because they’re half black and half white, and smell like shit.
    • Is your vagina jealous of how big of a cunt you are?
    • Feminism
      Strong, smart, and independent until things get a little bit difficult.
    • Teacher: No, Johnny, Gods last name is not Dammit!
    • How do you know youve walked into a gay church service?
      Only half the congregation is kneeling.
    • What do priests and McDonalds have in common?
      They both stick there meat in 10 year old buns
    • What’s white and ten inches long?
      Nothing.
    • What’s the difference between John Wayne and Jack Daniels?
      Jack Daniels is still killing Native Americans.
    • Why did President Kennedy never get drunk?
      He wasn’t very good at taking shots.
    • Women who marry detective
      Must kiss dick
    • A guy was going down on a woman when he tastes horse semen. He turns to the woman and says « Damn Grandma, so that’s how you died! »
    • What is white with a black asshole?
      The A-Team
    • Why aren’t there many Essex girl gymnasts?
      When they do the splits they stick to the floor.
    • What is foreplay?
      The loving before the shoving.
      The petting before the getting.
      The licking before the pricking.
      The stroking before the poking.
      The lingering and the fingering.
      Unnecessary with barn animals.
    • Some people need to get their finger out of their butt so their brain can get some oxygen
    • Did you hear about the argumentative skunk?
      He always liked to make a stink!
    • What do you call two lesbians with their period?
      Finger painting.
    • You know when you get that urge to eat something just because it’s there?
      That’s why I’m no longer a gynecologist.
    • I love you with all my c*ck
      I would say my heart
      But my d*ck is bigger
    • Why does the crack of your arse go up and down instead of across?
      So when you are sliding downhill you don’t mumble!
    • What does a prostitute have at the end of her shift?
      A box of assorted creams!
    • Why did the chicken cross the road?
      To get to the other side.
      Why did the farmer cross the road?
      To get his dick out of the chicken!
    • There once was a fellow named Dave who dug up a whore from her grave she was moldy as shit and missing a tit but think of the money he saved!
    • A little girl came running into the house bawling her eyes out and cradling her hand, Mommy, quick! Get me a glass of cider! she wailed.
    • Confused but weary of the childs whining, the mother obliged and poured her a glass of cider. The little girl immediately dunked her hand in it.
      Ouch! It still hurts! This cider doesnt work! she whined.
      What are you talking about? asked mom. What ever made you think that cider would ease the pain?
      Well, I overheard my big sister say that whenever she gets a prick in her hand, she cant wait to get it in cider.
    • Crazy Sally went to her gynecologist when she got her vibrator stuck inside of her.
    • What do you get if you insert human DNA into a goat?
      Banned from the petting zoo.
    • *Tommy, Johnny and Harry were standing around, bullshitting about how tough their fathers were. « My dad went 12 rounds with Mike Tyson, lick that! » said Harry. »Well, my dad did two tours of Vietnam and killed 19 Gooks, so lick that! » said Tommy. « That’s fuck all, » said Johnny, « My dad hasn’t wiped his arse in 10 years so lick that! »
    • What do you call a blonde that can suck a golf ball through a water hose?
      Sweetheart!
    • What did the Kentucky female say after sex?
      Get off me Dad, you’re crushing my smokes!
    • How many perverts does it take to put in a light bulb?
      Just one, but it takes the entire emergency room to get it out!
    • I was so poor growing up. If I wasnt born a boy, Id have nothing to play with.
    • What’s the difference between love, true love, and showing off?
      Spit, swallow, and gargle.
    • Why was the queer sacked from his job in the sperm bank?
      He was caught drinking on the job!
    • Whats 6 inches long and starts with a p?
      ……….. a shit (think about it)
    • Why do white people kiss their dogs in the mouth?
      I know my dog be over licking his own Dick. Gross!
    • I knew this was going to be a good audience when I noticed all the tacky ones sat at the back.
    • I was hiking once with my girlfriend. Suddenly a huge brown bear was charging at us, really mad We must have come close to her cubs Luckily I had my 9mm pistol with me. One shot to my girlfriendMs kneecap was all it took. I could walk away at a comfortable pace.

 

Most Offensive jokes

 

    • What’s the difference between Iron man and Iron woman?
      Iron Man is a super hero, Iron Woman is an order.
    • What do you call a white guy with 10 black guys?
      A Quarterback
    • Why couldn’t baby jesus be born in Utah?
      Because they couldn’t find three wise men or a virgin.
    • Why are there no black characters in the game « Clue? »
      Because then it would be called « Solved. »
    • Black people are the only race with nappy ass hair.
    • *I’m not condoning rape, obviously…you should never rape anyone. Unless you have a reason, like if you want to fuck somebody and they won’t let you.
    • Why doesn’t Rihanna smoke weed anymore?
      Because she’s taken enough hits.
    • Why do worms taste like chewing gum?
      Because they’re wrigleys!
    • What is the definition of a New Hampshire virgin?
      An ugly twelve year old who can outrun her brothers..
    • How do you know that Edward Cullen is gay?
      Blood isn’t the only thing Edward Cullen sucks!
    • Whats green and eats nuts?
      Gonorrhea.
    • Waiter, there’s a fly in my soup!
      No sir, that’s a cockroach, the fly is on your steak.
    • HUSBAND: Shall we try a different position tonight?
      WIFE: That’s a good idea… you stand by the ironing board while I sit on the sofa and fart.
    • Why do men whistle when they are sitting on the toilet?
      It helps them remember which end to wipe…
    • I’m not saying she’s a slut, but I’m pretty sure I saw her vagina on dirty jobs.
    • Two condoms walking on the street
      Swallows ultra gay bar wide open
      Ultra gay bar wide open
      Hey, wanna go in there and get shit-faced?
    • Yo momma so nasty when I asked her whats for dinner she opened her legs and said crabs
    • What’s grosser then gross?
      Siamese Twins joined at the mouth, and one of them throwing up.
    • Why does the crack of your arse go up and down instead of across?
      So when you are sliding downhill you don’t mumble!
    • Two middle aged guys were sitting in a pub, telling each other their most embarrassing moments.
    • Why did the chicken cross the road?
      To get to the other side.
      Why did the farmer cross the road?
      To get his dick out of the chicken!
    • Save your breath. You’ll need it to blow up your date.
    • There’s a man walking a tight rope 60 feet above ground.
      There’s another man getting a blowjob from a 60 year old woman.
      What are they both thinking at the exact same time?
      Don’t look down, don’t look down, don’t look down, don’t look down!
    • I cut my hand on a thorn and I want the pain to go away!
    • Red Riding Hood was a bad bitch.
    • « To remove that vibrator, » said the doctor, « I’m going to have to perform a very long and delicate operation. »
      « I don’t think I can afford that, » said Sally.
      « Could you just replace the batteries? »
    • What do you get when you mix a rooster with a telephone pole?
      A 30ft cock that wants to reach out and touch someone.
    • What have men and spray paint in common?
      One squeeze and they’re all over you.
    • What is the difference between a woman in church and a woman in a bathtub?
      One has hope in her soul, the other has soap in her hole.
    • How can you tell who is a blonde’s boyfriend?
      He’s the one with the belt buckle that matches the impression in her forehead.
    • What’s the difference between a rooster and a hooker?
      A rooster says cocka-doodle-doo a hooker says any cock will do.
    • What is 68 to a blonde?
      Where she goes down on you and you owe her one.
    • Why was the result when a piano fell down a mine shaft?
      (A-flat minor!)
    • What’s worse than spiders on your piano?
      Crabs on your organ.
    • What do you call a group of blondes on roller skates?
      A mobile sperm bank.
    • How do you piss off Winnie the Pooh?
      By sticking your finger in his honey.
    • In closing, I’d like to leave you with one thought… but I’m not sure you have anywhere to put it.
    • What do you call it when a white man dancing has a seizure?
      An improvement
    • Why did Jesus drop out of the carpentry business?
      He got too hung up on his work.
    • God intended all fruit to be round, but when he created the banana his mind was on something else.
    • How do you get a nun pregnant?
      Dress her up like an altar boy.
    • The only « B » word you should call a girl is beautiful
      Bitches love to be called beautiful
    • What do you call a bunch of black kids playing in a pile of leaves?
      Raisin Brand.
    • I’m a businessman.
      I work in orifices, got any openings?
    • A new law recently passed in AlabamWhen a couple gets divorced, they’re still brother and sister.
    • What do you call a white woman with a yeast infection?
      Crackers with cheese.
    • How do you get Amanda Bynes off of her knees?
      Cum.
    • What do you call a Serbian prostitute?
      Sloberdown Mycockyoubitch
    • Grandma « WIGGLE, WIGGLE, WIGGLE YEAH! »
      Grandson: Grandma PLEASE put your bra back on!
    • Did you hear about the hooker that had her appendix taken out?
      Now she does business on the side!
    • Man who scratches ass should not bite fingernails.
    • What’s a diaphragm?
      A trampoline for dickheads.
    • What’s the difference between love and herpes?
      Love doesn’t last forever.
    • What’s red and crawls up a woman’s leg?
      A homesick abortion!
    • Your face and my ass could be twins!
    • What do Michael Jackson and caviar have in common?
      They both come on little white crackers.
    • One bloke admitted that he had been caught watching his parents fucking.
      « That’s not so bad. » Said his friend.
      « Yeah, but this was only last night! »
    • A couple gets married. Forty years later, theyre in the same hotel room they spent their honeymoon
      in. She takes off her clothes, lies down on the bed, spreads her legs … and he starts to cry.
      She says, Whats the matter?
      He says, Forty years ago, I couldnt wait to eat it, and now it looks like it cant wait to eat ME!
    • Two women were sitting on the porch nattering when one of them suddenly said, « Shit! My husband bought me a dozen roses, so now I am going to have to spend all weekend with my legs in the air! » « Why? » asked the friend, « Don’t you own a vase? »
    • Why do you want a glass of cider? asked her mom.
    • She looked so good, damn!
      When she got to grandmas, the wolf jumped out and said,
      « Damn bitch, Imma f*ck the sh*t outta you. »
      Red pulled a glock out her basket and said, « Nah motherf*cker, you’re gonna eat me like the story said. »
    • How do you piss off Winnie the Pooh?
      By sticking your finger in his honey.
    • A man and a woman meet in an elevator. « Where are you heading today? » the man asks.
      « I’m going down to give blood. »
      « How much do you get paid for giving blood? »
      « About $20. »
      « Wow, » says the man, « I’m going up to donate sperm, and the sperm bank pays $100. » The woman angrily gets off the elevator.
      The next day, the man and woman meet in the elevator again.
      « Fancy meeting you again. Where you off to today? »
      « Sperm bank, » she says with her mouth full.
    • What’s so bad about being a dick?
      Your closest mates are 2 nuts and an ass hole, your master covers you in a plastic bag, and every time you get excited you spew.
    • What’s the difference between purple and pink?
      The grip.
    • How do you get your husband to eat shit?
      Wipe forward!
    • Male secretary : « Feel free to use my Dictaphone. »
      New blonde employee: « No thanks, I’ll just use my finger like everyone else. »
    • What does a mathematician do when he’s consitpated?
      He works it out with a pencil
    • What do you get if you stuff your hand up a gypsy’s cunt when she is on her period?
      Your palm Red!
    • Two faggots were on a sunny beach. The first one said, « Shall I put the umbrella up? »
      « Yes, » replied the second homo, « But don’t open it, I’m a bit sore! »
    • There’s nothing worse than that toilet paper that’s so cheap, that you wipe and you see hair.

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