Daily Funny jokes, Tha Jokes

Short jokes

Short jokesMost of the time we hear the jokes that are long and we find it hard to remember. The Short jokes are high in demand because they are the funniest and you can easily remember them when you have to share it with your friends.
The funny Short jokes consist of a small dialogue or only a few lines that you can quickly understand and deliver when you like. The Short jokes will bring the lost smile back on your face and you can enjoy them anytime you like. Here we have some of the amazing Short jokes that will make you laugh out loud.

 

    • I bought some shoes from a drug dealer I don’t know what he laced them with, but I’ve been tripping all day.
    • What do you get when you cross a dyslexic, an insomniac and an agnostic?
      Someone who lays awake at night wondering if there is a dog.
    • How do you make holy water?
      Put it in a pot and boil the hell out if it.
    • If you’re ever attacked by a gang of clowns, go for the juggler.
    • What’s a foot long ans slippery?
      A slipper.
    • What did the Buddihist ask the hot vendor?
      ”Make me one with everything.”
    • A termite walks into the br and asks, ”Is the bar tender here?”
    • You know why you never see elephants hiding up in trees? Because they’re really good at it.
    • Shout out to the people who want to know what the opposite of in is.
    • What’s the best thing about Switzerland? I don’t know, but their flag is a huge plus.
    • Velcro is a complete rip-off.
    • Dwarfs and midgets have very little in common.
    • I told my doctor that I broke my arm in two places. He told me stop going to those places.
    • A cannibal passed his brother in the woods.
    • Do you argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you experience.
    • We live in a society where pizza gets your house before the police.
    • If I agreed with you we’d both be wrong.
    • War does not determine who is right – only who is left.
    • My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch.
    • Evening news is where they begin with ”Good evening”, and then proceed to tell you why it isn’t.
    • To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.
    • If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of payments.
    • A bus station is where a bus stops.
      A train station is where a train stops.
      On my desk, I have a work station…
    • A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you don’t need it.
    • Whenever i fill out an applications, in the part taht says ”If an emergency, notify:”I put ”DOCTOR”. What’s my mother going to do?
    • I didn’t say i was your fauls I said I was blaming you.
    • Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say paint is wet.
    • Good gils are bad girls that never get caught.
    • Why do americans choose from just two people to run for president and 50 for miss America?
    • German jokes arethe wusrt
    • What do you call a masturbating cow?
      Beef Stroganoff.
    • What’s brown and sounds like a bell? Dung!
    • What do you call a sleepwlaking nun…
      A roamin’ Catholic.
    • What do you call a gay bar with no bar stools?
      A fruit stand!
    • Why do the gay man take two aspirin with Viagra?
      So sex wouldn’t be such a pain in the arse.
    • What do you find in a clean nose?
      Fingerprints!
    • What do you do in case of fallout?
      Put it back in and take shorter strokes!
    • What’s the difference between a bandleader and a gynecologist?
      A abndleader fucks his singers and a gynecologist sucks his fingers.
    • Did you hear about the guy who’S a dyslexic-bulimic?
      HE eats, and then he sticks his finger up his ass.
    • Who is the poorest guy in West Virgina?
      The Tooth Fairy
    • What do you call a deer with no eyes, no legs, and no sexual organs?
      Still no fucking eye deer.
    • What’s the difference between a woman and a computer?
      A computer only needs informations punched into once.
    • How many male chaunvinist pigs does it takes to change a light bulb?
      None, let the bitch in the dark.
    • What is Osama bin Landen’s idea of safe sex?
      Marking the camels that kick.
    • Why did the Leper go back into the shower?
      He forgot his head and Shoulders.
    • What do you do if across a tiger in the jungle?
      Wipe him off, apologize and RUN!
    • How many ears did Davy Crockett have?
      Three – hos left ear, his right ear, and his wild front ear.
    • How many men does it take to wallpaper a room?
      About two – if they’re thinly sliced.
    • What does a skeleton get when he goes to a bar?
      A beer and a mop.
    • You should always give 100% at work…
      12% Monday; 23% Tuesday; 40% Wednesday; 20% Thursday; 5% Friday
    • How do you double the value of a Geo Metro?
      Fill it with gas.
    • Where do you get virgin wool from?
      Ugly sheep.
    • Did you hear about the man who was tap dancing?
      He broke his ankle when he fell into the sink.
    • There are two theoris to arguing with women. Neither one works.
      I am havibg ab out of money experience.
    • Nobody dies a virgin, because life fucks us all.
    • I am nobody. Nobody is perfect. Therefore, i am perfect.
    • I have the heart of a lion and a lifetime ban from the San Diego Zoo.
    • What do you call a nun in a wheelchair?
      Virgin Mobile.
    • What do you call a black man who flies a plane?
      A pilot racist.
    • Sometimes I tuck my knees into my chest and lean forward. That’s just how i roll.
    • Why don’t blind people skydive? Because it scares the hell out of their dogs.
    • The buddhist pulls out a gun. ”Whoa,” the vendor exclaims. ”I thought you guys were about inner peace!”
    • A freudian Slip is when you say one thing and mean your mother.
    • I went on a once in a lifetime holiday. Never again
    • My granddad has the heart of a lion and a life time ban from the Edinburgh zoo.
    • I’m addicted to brake fluid, but I can stop whenever I want.
    • A plateau is the highest form of flattery.
    • Why is 6 afraid of 7?
      Because 7 is a registered 6 offender.
    • What’s do you call it when Batman skips church?
      Christian Bale.
    • What’s E.T. short for? Beause he only got little legs.
    • I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn’t work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.
    • Women might be able to fake orgasms. But it’s still on the list.
    • Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich.
    • Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Widsom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
    • Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don’T have a good partner, you’d better have a good hand.
    • Fighting for peace is like fucking for virginity.
    • If God watching us, the least we can do is be entertaining.
    • Better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak and remove all doubt.
    • Some people are like Stinkies… Not really good for anything, but you can’t help smiling when you see one tumble down stairs.
    • I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.
    • I didn’t fight my way to the top of the second chain to be a vegetarian
    • I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with ”Guess” on it… so i said ”Implants?”
    • The sole purpose of a child’s middle name, is so he can tell when he’s really in trouble.
    • Behind every succeful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a succefull man is usually another woman.
    • Crowded elevators smell different to midgets.
    • My boss told me to have a good day…
      So i went home.
    • How many alzheimer’s patients does it take to change a light bulb?…
      To get to the other side!
    • Why did the orange stop?
      Because, it ran outta juice.
    • There were two peanuts walking down a dark alley, one was assaulted.
    • Did you hear about the gay truckers?
      They exchanged loads.
    • Did you hear about the kid napping?
      Yeah, he woke up!
    • When does a Cub Scout become a Boy Scout?
      When he eats his first Brownie
    • What is the difference between OooH! and Aaah!?
      About three inches.
    • What do your boss and a slinky have in common?
      They’re both fun to watch tumble the stairs.
    • What’s the difference between a car salesman and a computer salesman?
      The car salesman can probably drive!
    • What can a lifesaver do for a woman a man can’t?
      Cum in five flavours.
    • What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs?
      Still no eye deer.
    • What Do you call a deer with no eyes?
      No-Eye Deer.
    • What do you call 100 men at the bottom of the ocean?
      A good start.
    • Why did the tree fall down?
      The koala forgot to let go.
    • What’s a Lepers favorite sport?
      Football.
    • Why did the koala fall out of the tree?
      Because it was dead.
    • Why did the leper crash his car?
      HE left his foot on the accelerator.
    • What’s the difference between a porcupine and a porsche?
      The porcupine has the pricks on the outside.
    • What’s a hindu?
      Lays eggs.
    • Did you hear about the new divorced Barbie doll that they’re selling in stores now?
      It comes with all of Ken’s stuff.
    • Why do chicken coops have two doors?
      Because if it had four doors it’s be a chicken sedan.
    • What does Star Trek and toilet paper have in common?
      They both circle Uranus looking for Black Holes.
    • Where do you find a no legged dog?
      Right where you left him.
    • Did you hear about how quick the guy who lost his left arm and leg in a car crash?
      He’s all right now.
    • You are te light of my life. Before i met you, i walked in the dark.
    • What happens if you get scared half to death twice?

 

More short funny jokes

 

    • Isn’t having a smoking section in a restaurant like having a peeing section in a swimming pool?
    • What did one orphan say to the other?
      ”Robin, get the Batmobile.”
    • What happenend to the cow that jumped over the barbed wire fence?
      Udder destruction.
    • Why did Star Wars episodes 4, 5 and 6 come before 1, 2 and 3?
      Because in charger of scheduling, Yoda was.
    • I bought the world’s worst thesaurus yesterday. Not only is it terrible, it’s also terrible.
    • I have the heart of a lion anf lifetime ban from the Toronto zoo.
    • A blind man walks into a bar. And a table. And a chair.
    • You gotta hand it to blind prostitute
    • I can’t stand being in a wheelchair.
    • ”This is your captain speaking, AND THIS IS YOUR CAPTAIN SHOUTING.”
    • Rick Astley will let you borrow any movie from his Pixar collection, except one. He’s never gonna give you up.
    • Don’t you hate it when people answer their own questions? I do.
    • What’s orange and sounds like parrots? A carrot.
    • What do you call a French man in sandals?
      Phelipe Phalop.
    • Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
    • Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
    • We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.
    • Children: You spend the first 2 years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next 16 years telling them to sit down and shut-up.
    • The early bird might get dthe worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
    • If sex is a pain in the ass, then you’re doing it wrong…
    • If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea… Does that mean that one enjoys it?
    • How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a wholes box to start a campfire?
    • Did you know that dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool anf throw them fish.
    • Never, under any circumstances, takes a sleeping pill and laxative on the same night.
    • A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at keckboxing.
    • The shinbone is a device for finding furniture in dark room.
    • Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still stink they are sexy.
    • Some people say ”If you can’t beat them, join them”. I say ”If you can’t beat them, beat them”, because they will be expecting you to join them, so you will have the element of surprise.
    • What does a painter do when he gets cold?…
      …He puts on another coat.
    • What do you have when you have two little green balls in the palm of your hand?
      Kermit’s undivided attention!
    • Why did the storm trooper buy an iphone?
      He couldn’t find the Droid he was looking for.
    • How do you make holy water?
      You boil the hell out of it.
    • What’s the biggest crime commited by tranvestites?
      Male fraud.
    • Did you hear about two gay jusdges?
      They tried each other.
    • Did you hear about the blinf circumcicionist?
      He got the sack.
    • Why do women have two holes so close together?
      In case you miss.
    • Do you know what the square root of 69 is?
      Ate something
    • Did you hear that Ex and UPS are going to merge?
      Yeah. They’re going to call it FED UP!
    • Why are women like condoms?
      They spend 90% of their time in your wallet, and 10% on your dick.
    • What do you do if a bird shits on your car?
      Don’t ask her out again.
    • What should Kabul get for its air defense system?
      A refund.
    • Why did the ref call a penalty during the Leper Hockey game?
      Becaus there was a face off in the corner.
    • What do you do if an elephant comes through your window?
      Swim!
    • What do you call Maoris on Prozac?
      Once were worries.
    • What’s the definition of a mixed emotions?
      When you see your mother-in-law backing off a cliff your new car.
    • What’s the difference between an oral and a recal thermometer?
      The taste!
    • Why do bagpipers walk when they play?
      They’re trying to get away from the noise.
    • What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches?
      A nervous wreck.
    • Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
    • Save a mouse. Eat a pussy

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