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Stupid jokes

stupid but funny jokesSome jokes are silly, funny and so stupid that we wonder how they ended up being jokes. We have the collection of all such Stupid jokes that will make you laugh so hard that water will start to come out of your eyes.
The Stupid jokes are so stupid that they actually sound funny and you can use them against your friends if you are planning to frustrate them. Stupid but funny jokes have a unique type of humor that only a few people can understand and if you are one of them then best of luck to you because you are ready to get on the rollercoaster of laughter.

 

    • Why did the Essex girl stop using the pill?
      It kept falling out.
    • I keep adjusting the brightness control on my TV, but it’s still as stupid as ever.
    • Whats green and flies as fast as a speeding bullet?
      Super Pickle!
    • I killed a vampire on Halloween this year… or a kid.
      Either way, the wooden stake worked.
    • What’s the last thing that goes through a bug’s mind when it hits a windshield?
      Its butt
    • There once was a man named McCrass.
      His balls were made out of brass.
      When he clanged them together,
      They made stormy weather,
      And lightning shot out of his ass.
    • Bubba calls EASYJET to book a flight.
      The operator asks, « How many people are flying with you? »
      Bubba replies « Hell I don’t know! It’s your plane.  »
    • Insult: Hey, you’re not much of a looker, but I’ll date you.
      Response: Thanks. You must be very open-minded. Was that how your brain slipped out?
    • Why did the blonde like lightening?
      She thought someone was taking a picture of her.
    • Where does a sheep go for a haircut?
      To the baa-baaa shop.
    • Yo momma is so stupid when an intruder broke into her house, she ran downstairs, dialed 9-1-1 on the microwave, and couldn’t find the « CALL » button.
    • Yo mama is so stupid that when she was making French toast she got her tongue stuck in the toaster.
    • A man is driving happily along when he is pulled over by the police.
      The copper approaches him and politely asks, « Have you been drinking, sir? »
      « Why? » snorts the man. « Is there a fat bird in my car? »
    • Why does Sarah Palin keep reaching out to Joe Sixpack?
      Because her answers make more sense after six beers!
    • Why do Whites do it doggystyle?
      So they can both watch TV.
    • Why did the white guy cross the street?
      For the job interview.
    • What do you call a handcuffed man?
      Trustworthy.
    • Drake the type of nigga that would get nudes from a girl then Photoshop clothes back on her body and send it back.
    • What do you call a deer with no eyes? No eye deer.
    • Yo mama’s so sorry she missed your birthday last week, she bought you a cake so big you gotta eat it twice to have it once!
    • Yo mama’s so skinny, she used a needle for a baseball bat.
    • I’ll sniff your butt if you sniff mine.
    • Pardon me for drooling, but without my jaw, I can’t help myself!
    • I’m just like an easter bunny – sweet, but hollow on the inside.
    • What school of thought do you follow, because I thought about you all through school.
    • Why is a softball park the coolest place to be?…
      Because its full of fans.
    • Why couldn’t the leopard go on vacation?
      He couldn’t find the right spot
    • What time is it when an elephant sits on your fence?
      Time to get a new fence.
    • What falls down but never gets hurt
      Snow!
    • Everything happens for a reason. But sometimes the reason is that you’re stupid and make bad decisions.
    • Stupidity does not qualify as a handicap, park elsewhere!
    • Asking a stupid question is better than repairing a stupid mistake.
    • Don’t assume malice for what stupidity can explain.
      Waiter, there’s a fly in my soup!
      « That’s entirely possible. Our cook used to be a tailor. »
    • Is it good manners to eat fried chicken with your fingers?
      No, you should eat your fingers separately.
    • I wonder if in 5 to 10 years, will anyone will have enough personality to actually hold a conversation with someone without texting or e-mailing?
    • « What do you mean by coming home half drunk », screamed the angry wife.
      « It’s not my fault……I ran out of money. » The guy said.
    • An officer came to my house and asked me where I was between 5 and 6, I replied, « Kindergarten. » ;
    • CNN just said the world is forty trillion dollars in debt.
      Who the fuck does the world owe? Jupiter?
    • Why did the tree fall down?
      The koala forgot to let go.
    • Yo mama so nasty her breath smells like donkey sex.
    • What’s the difference between a crusty bus station and a lobster with breast implants?
      One’s a crusty bus station and the other is a busty crutacean.
    • What was a more important invention than the first telephone?
      The second one.
    • My grandfather had the heart of lion and a lifetime ban the New York City zoo.
    • What do you call a seagull flying over a bay?
      A bagel.
    • How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh?
      Ten tickles.
    • My wife left me after repeatedly spending our entire life saving on penis enlargement surgery.
      She couldn’t take it any longer.
    • How do you sell a deaf man a chicken?
      ”WOULD YOU LIKE TO BUY A CHICKEN?!?!?!”
    • Sometimes I use big words which I don’t understand to make me seem more photosynthesis.
    • Why did the stripper stare at the orange juice can?
      Because it said « concentrate. »
    • There is a new Barbie doll on the market , Tree Hugger Barbie …pull the string and she spouts environmentalist rhetoric
    • Why did God create man?
      Because you can’t cut the grass with a vibrator.
    • Why did the little boy bury his flashlight?
      Because the batteries died.
    • Two men from Dublin are walking to the annual Dublin Fair, when it starts to rain.
      « Patrick, put your umbrella up, it’s raining. »
      « I can’t, Mick, it’s got holes in it. » « Holes in it?
      Then why did you bring it with you? » « I didn’t think it would rain. »
    • Teacher: « Why does a stone sink in water when you thrown it in? »
      Student: « Because it does not know how to swim. »
    • Two men walk beside each other down the street.
      One of them sees a broken piece of mirror on the ground, grabs it, looks at it and says, « This guy looks so familiar, but I can’t remember where I know him from. »
      The other guy grabs it from his hand, takes a look at it, and says, « It’s me you idiot! »
    • Eagles may soar, but weasels don’t get sucked into jet engines.
    • What’s a hindu?
      Lays eggs.
    • Why did the girl smear peanut butter on the road?
      To go with the traffic jam!
    • Yo mama is so stupid that when she was making French toast she got her tongue stuck in the toaster.
    • What happens when you cross a dog and a human?
      North Carolina.
    • What do you call a fairy that hasn’t bathed in a year?
      Stinkerbell.
    • What do you call Amanda Bynes with two brain cells?
      Pregnant
    • What’s a zebra?
      26 sizes larger than an A bra.
    • What do you call a gangbanger behind bars?
      Anything you want.
    • You don’t have a mom. Two dads and a chemistry set don’t count.
    • Why did the skeleton go to the party alone?
      He had no body to go with him!
    • Why do zebras have stripes?
      Because the spots where all over.
    • A worm gets out from cherry compote and, after he stretches a little, says satisfied:
      – I love sauna!

 

Funny Stupid Jokes

 

    • When I say ‘bitch’, I mean it as a compliment!
    • Honey, your dad doesn’t have a penis.
      He’s got a paintbrush!
    • Why’d you dress up as princess, when you could have simply come in plain clothes as « the most beautiful girl at the Halloween party »?
    • I’ve had to fast every day since the first time I saw you.
    • What is green, red, and runs 100 mph?
      A frog in a blender
    • Why don’t matches play softball?
      One strike and your out!
    • What planet is like a circus?
      Saturn, it has three rings!
    • Why don’t softball players join unions?…
      Because they don’t like to be called out on strikes.
    • An Essex girl was walking along, when she looked up to observe a bird flying overhead.
      Suddenly, the bird drops a load when it was directly over her.
      The Essex girl says, « Good thing I had my mouth open, or that would’ve hit me right in the face!!! »
    • I don’t know what makes you so stupid, but it really works.
    • Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?
    • Are you always this stupid or is today a special occasion?
    • That’s a pervert?
      Shut up girl and keep sucking!
    • Why did the tree fall down?
      The koala forgot to let go.
    • What do you call a cholo with one short leg and one regular leg?
      Not even!
    • Why did the blonde tattoo her apartment number on her stomach?
      So her male would get delivered to the right box.
    • How many Poles does it take to change a lightbulb?
      Three. One to put the lightbulb in, two to turn whatever the first is standing on.
    • When I look into his eyes, I can see right through to the back of his head.
    • He’s so dumb that mind readers charge him only half price.
    • A farmer in the field with his cows counted 196 of them, but when he rounded them up he had 200.
    • Three cows are standing in a field.
      Cow 1: Did you hear about the outbreak of mad cow disease?
      Cow 2: Good thing I’m a helicopter.
      Cow 3: Holy shit a talking cow!
    • Is there a hole in your shoe?
      No.
      Then how did you get your foot into it?

 

More Stupid but funny jokes

 

    • Where does the king keep his armies?
      In his sleevies.
    • What did the inflatable principal say to the inflatable boy who brought a pin to the inflatable school?
      Not only have you let me down, you’ve let yourself down, in fact you’ve let the entire school down.
    • Why did the plane crash?
      Because the pilot was a loaf of bread.
    • Why didn’t the mouse fit thought the hole?
      Because it was on a tractor.
    • Last night I wrote myself a letter.
      But I forgot to sign it and now I dont know who its from.
    • Manager: Twenty teams in the league and you like finish bottom?
      Captain: Well, it could have been worse.
      Manager: How?
      Captain: There could have been more teams in the league !
    • One man calls emergency:
      Come immediately, my little son has swallowed a condom!
      After five minutes, the same man calls back:
      It is OK, I found another one.
    • Two sausages are frying in a pan.
      One sausage turns to the other sausage and says, « Boy, it’s hot in here. »
      The other sausage turns and says, « Holy sh*t, a talking sausage! »
    • What did the curtain say to the floor?
      Stop looking under my skirt!
    • Yo momma is so stupid she brought a spoon to the super bowl.
    • I threw my toaster into the toilet the other day…It was a shock to the cistern.
    • Yo mama is so stupid she has to sing the happy birthday song to remember her name.
    • We all have our slow moments. Unfortunately yours are as follows…
      slow moment, slow moment, slow moment, normal, slow moment, slow moment…
    • What does the average Florida State University student get on his SAT?
    • What are two things you cannot have for breakfast?
      Lunch and dinner.
    • What’s brown and sticky?
      A stick.
    • Why don’t cannibals eat clowns?
      Because they taste funny.
    • What’s a zebra?
      26 sizes larger than an A bra.
    • What is a fish’s favorite game show?
      Name that Tuna.
    • A boy asked his dad, « What’s the difference between a woman and a slave? » His father replies, « I don’t know, what? » His son says, « No, I was asking a question. »
    • Never argue with a fool, they will lower you to their level, and then beat you with experience.
    • Irish diplomacy – the art of telling someone to go to hell in such a way they’ll look forward to the trip.
    • Don’t believe the rumours you’ve heard… the Bubonic plague didn’t affect my important organs.
    • Is that an ‘X’ on the seat of your pants?
      Cause it appears that there’s wond’rous booty buried underneath!
    • So you actually kissed the Blarney Stone?
      Tongue or no tongue?
    • Where does a catcher sit for dinner?
      Behind the plate.
    • What is a buckaneer?
      Expensive corn!
    • What did the softball glove say to the ball? »Catch ya later! »
    • What did the cheerleaders say to the ghost?
      Show your spirit!
    • Sarcasm
      Is the body’s natural defense against
      Stupidity
    • How many musicians does it take to change a light bulb?
      Twenty. 1 to do it and the other 19 to stand around and say, « I can do that! »
    • « If anyone calls this afternoon, Mary, I shall be out, » announced the mistress.
      « Well, as it ‘appens, ma’am, » replied Mary with finality, « I shall be out myself. »
    • A frog jumped into a pot of cream and started treading. He soon felt something solid under his feet and was able to hop out of the pot. What did the frog feel under his feet?
      The frog felt butter under his feet, because he churned the cream and made butter.
    • Do you know what happens if you piss off a pilot?
      He takes off.
    • Two girls:
      Im going to buy a book.
      A book!
      Yes, my husband bought me the most adorable reading-lamb yesterday.
    • Can I ask you something?
      Youre already asking.
    • How did the blonde die raking leaves?
      She (he) fell out of the tree.
    • He’s so dumb he once climbed over a glass wall to see what was on the other side.
    • He’s so dumb he sits on the TV and watches the couch.
    • A man walks into a zoo
      The only animal in the entire zoo is a dog.
      It’s a shitzhu.
    • How much does it cost a pirate to get his ears pierced?
      A buccaneer.
    • Two mice chewing on a fil roll. One of them goes, ”I think the book was better.”
    • What kind of bagel can fly?
      A plain bagel.
    • Why was the soldier pinned down?
      He was under a tack.
    • What is brown and sticky?
      A stick

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